Am i really pushing away my friends?
First I pushed away one of my female friend and then i pushed away 2 of my male friends too. This girl Sonia is one of my female friend in the classes where I go with whom I even went out and ate in a big restaurant almost 6 months ago and again planned to go out. I am 23 and she is also 23 and she often said we are best friends and helped me come out of my shyness towards girls too. But 3-4 weeks ago, i was in a very bad mood and was upset because this one girl Sharanya whom I liked and knew for over 8 months ghosted me for no reason. Sonia sits behind me and it was break time, so she told me to move my chair front as she didn't have space to move out. As I was in a bad mood, I felt she said it in a rude tone, so i got angry and I aggressively tapped my foot on the floor. She was surprised and shocked by my behavior and i walked out of the class. After this she is kinda ignoring meand not talking as much like before. 😢😭 I guess our plan of going out is canceled because i don't think she would ever want to go out with me.😢
Not only that, 2 weeks ago, i got into a fight with my male friend Ali too who is also 23. He got annoyed because i kept talking about my current crush Akankshya to him all the time and he got angry and called me a Bhosdike which is a very bad a swear word in Indian language Hindi. We all live in the city Bangalore in India btw. He even said he would beat me if I annoyed him. I said him oh really hit me then and then he slapped me. I got angry and tried to wrestle him down and i was able to wrestle him down while standing. Then my friend Kiran who is also 23 or 24 said me to stop irritating him but i got angry showed him my fist too. Then later, Ali again punched and kicked me outside the gate of the institute. I got angry and took a small stone and threw it at him and then showed him middle finger and then he again tried to hit me but my class guys stopped the fight. After that neither Ali nor Kiran is talking with me and both are ignoring me. In fact they are ignoring me more than Sonia who at least still very occasionally talks to me. I only have 1 or 2 friends now at the moment to talk withand sometimes with my crush Akankshya and she doesnt know about the fights as we are in different classrooms. I feel lonely and i feel like i pushed away my friends.😭
Not only that, 2 weeks ago, i got into a fight with my male friend Ali too who is also 23. He got annoyed because i kept talking about my current crush Akankshya to him all the time and he got angry and called me a Bhosdike which is a very bad a swear word in Indian language Hindi. We all live in the city Bangalore in India btw. He even said he would beat me if I annoyed him. I said him oh really hit me then and then he slapped me. I got angry and tried to wrestle him down and i was able to wrestle him down while standing. Then my friend Kiran who is also 23 or 24 said me to stop irritating him but i got angry showed him my fist too. Then later, Ali again punched and kicked me outside the gate of the institute. I got angry and took a small stone and threw it at him and then showed him middle finger and then he again tried to hit me but my class guys stopped the fight. After that neither Ali nor Kiran is talking with me and both are ignoring me. In fact they are ignoring me more than Sonia who at least still very occasionally talks to me. I only have 1 or 2 friends now at the moment to talk withand sometimes with my crush Akankshya and she doesnt know about the fights as we are in different classrooms. I feel lonely and i feel like i pushed away my friends.😭
22-25, M
