Co teacher makes working with her a trigger for my anxiety

How do I Work on maintaining a positive mindset and not getting an anxiety attack when my co teacher is not following the gentle rule of the classroom. Instead of me hearing statements like “this isn’t working out. We have a problem.” I think my co teacher should Say something like “I noticed the classroom wasn’t as prepared as I’d like it, today could you focus on making sure the work is prepared for the next child and for the next day.” (Or if you’re helping out with the after school program could you try to get a few things done this afternoon in the classroom). She wants me to wait until all the kids leave to clean and I don’t think that’s fair cause the other co teachers who have the same position as me clean throughout the day! Yet when I do she tells me to stop and focus on the children. I think we should Remind each other when things are going well with statements like “this was a great afternoon we did great and make such a good team when it comes to supporting the children in our class.” Because I’m sick of hearing “this isn’t working out”. That statement just triggers me. It seems like she’s making my life harder then it should be. What should I do about this situation?