I don’t miss ‘they love you the best they know how’ bs

Father visiting.. Generous, hug-y, warm, but also all sorts of pressure on me to direct everything, but very difficult to please.. lots of complaining, griping, quick to anger..
Brings me right back to when I was young.. that confusion of kindness and meanness..
How small I felt much of the time walking on eggshells, defused mode, fawn mode.. that thing where you’re so relieved they’re not being an assh0le that you don’t know what it’s like to be loved in a healthy way. You’re not even sure if it’s possible.