Need others Perspective!

So I need the perspective from someone 60 or older.

So I called and sent a text to a coworker who is 60+ asking them what time they plan on coming in? I was waiting for them to reply back to ask them if I can come in to help/assist. But she never replied. So I came in anyways. She informed me last week that I will only be paid for Tuesday-Friday but I wanted to come in just to help. So I called another co-worker and she said we were supposed to come in at a certain which is 8:00am. So I came in ahead of time.

The co-worker that is 60+ years old thought that I was going somewhere else today but that was why I wanted to call her and ask her if I can come in a bit early to help before for parent/teacher meeting in the evening.

She said I can do my bulletin board but I didn't have the materials with me today but I did tell her my plans on what I was going to do with it because she mention about how I can come in on Wednesday to set up. But I figured I can come in today just for the kindness of my heart to help her. So since I didn't have the materials for my bulletin board. I figured that I could do some professional development courses online at my jobs computer since I have a issue logging in at home or other devices. And I mention to the 60+ co worker if you need help let me know. After a few minutes, she brought me a list of 5 things to do. I did them.

Then I asked her what else she would like me to do and she pointed to the bulletin board again. Now the conversation went by soooo fast that I can't even recall everything.

I was trying to express to the teacher that I tried to communicate with her this morning to ask her if I can come in to assist her even if I am not being paid for today but I never gotten that chance because she never texted me or called me back. So I came in So all I wanted her to know is that I am here to help her.....I don't think I even got a chance to finish my statement and here she go saying "Well you can leave if you want......" I was like what am I doing or saying that comes off as if I don't want to be here? And I left it at that and walked away to get something to drink.....like if anything if she didn't need my help....why show me a list of 5 things to do? Which I didn't mind doing lol. So why you telling me "Well you can leave if you want." Why couldn't she just leave me on the computer focusing on my professional development then? Lol

What you all think?

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OogieBoogie · F Best Comment

Maybe she didn't want your help, and maybe that's why she never texted back , coz it'd seem mean to say " I don't want your help".
So she left it, thinking - 'if I don't let her know when I'm in ...she won't be able to help and I won't have to turn her down and be rude '.

But you came in anyway ....and surprised her.
You asked ....she found you stuff to do ...and then you asked again ...and she had nothing else to give you to do, and may not have wanted your help in the first place .
Which is why she got pissy coz she didn't ask for it ...but you kept at it .

Shes wondering why on earth you showed up when she gave you no indication of wanting you there on that day in the first place .

I'm guessing by her age ....she's experienced . She's got what she does down pat . And she's old enough to know to ask for help if she needs it.

You asking and asking again if she needs help can come across as you think she needs it .
She might be sensitive to being 'older' and thinking others might think she should just retire - which could make her want to be MORE independent.

I could imagine if I went to work and someone showed up and started asking if I needed help - it'd put me out of my routine, and I don't know if they would do it to the standard I want .

It's nice, it's considerate ....but there's only a few things I'd trust them with . The rest id want to do myself ....to my standard .

I can see you're trying to be helpful .
The thing is ....if people don't speak up for it, or respond back to it , or avoid replying ....maybe .....just maybe....they don't want it ?

I hope this doesn't seem rude. I just tried to put myself in an opposed view point .

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OogieBoogie · F

@OpalFlower and it would never had happened if you never went in.🤷

Or it never would have happened if you stopped asking if she needs more help .🤷

And it never would have happened if you just stayed at the computer doing your stuff in the first place .🤷

You did kinda keep pushing the matter.

Plus...she already wanted you to get the bulletin board done ...and you came in but weren't prepped to do the one thing she made you responsible for .

I'm just trying to make you see that you should pay attention just as much as to what people do/say, as to what they don't do/say.

If you push too hard ...you force people into situations they don't like, and to edges they feel pushed over .

Maybe she was not bought up to be bluntly outspoken ....but to be polite or say nothing at all?
...and you pushed her past it .

And consider this .
If "well you can leave", gets to you, imagine how upset you're get at "no...I don't want your help ".?

OpalFlower · 36-40, F

@OogieBoogie Got it. Lol so if anything I won't ask if she needs any help or mention if you need help just let me know. Maybe I didn't realize how much I was mentioning but I don't think I was asking no more than maybe 2 times and left it alone to do my computer work. If she needs my help then she can come to me and ask.

OogieBoogie · F

@OpalFlower Ahhh. See ...now that is prolly the problem here . Yeah, just ask once and leave it be .

Sometimes it's an unspoken thing in the workplace - you do your work you are given first, before you go do anything else .
And if you ask to help, or for help, don't keep asking ....if people can give it - they will, of people want it - they'll say.

If they don't do anything ....just leave the ball in their court .

Also : some people can get very 'ownership' over their job. They have worked out a system, and are comfortable in it . And if anyone steps into that system - it disrupts it and makes it harder .
I know at my work , that if I'm away , and someone else steps in to do my job...I can spend a day or so reshuffling shit back to how I like it .

But I'm glad you finally understand the bigger picture - yours and (possibly) hers.
🤗

in10RjFox · M

The co-worker that is 60+ years old thought that I was going somewhere else today but that was why I wanted to call her and ask her if I can come in a bit early to help before for parent/teacher meeting in the evening.

This is a common mistake we do, of guessing or assuming how others think. Instead it is better to improve our communication and make it wholesome. There is always the unsaid as part of what is said. Like two sides of a coin. You can solve this with transparent communication.

Like many of the contemplations could have not been there if you had said "I plan to spend my whole day at work since I have no other outside work. So I can come in as early as 8.00 am and be there until 6.00 pm and you are free to let me know what I can do for the meeting."

I do not know much about your workplace or your contract, but some organizations do not like staff staying beyond a particular time or use the office as a browsing centre.

hippyjoe1955 · 61-69, M

She wasn't prepared for your help.

OpalFlower · 36-40, F

@hippyjoe1955 Ok so if she wasn't prepared for my help....why not just leave me alone at the computer doing my professional development courses that she keeps bugging me about to do....when I keep having a issue logging in from anywhere else.....Then trying to contact the school board to help me fix the issue is like trying to get in contact with the President lol

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