I'm in a dark place.

I'm so depressed that I'm just bored with life. I work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep. Staying awake is excuciating because I have sleep apnea but wearing the mask at night gives me panic attacks so I can't treat it.

I may have a precancerous disease and I'm stressing about that.

Both of these things are taking FOREVER to discuss with my doc because the office is so backed up. And on top of that I'm having trouble making appointments BECAUSE of my sleep apnea. So treatment is at a snail's pace.

I'm just miserable.

My parents are pretty old and they won't be around forever. I miss being a kid when I had no health issues or cares in the world, I was happy, and when they would come home from the store I would get so excited and shout "MOM!!! DAD!!!" and run to go hug them.

Now I'm so depressed and cynical I'm just like, "Okay, dad is home, what's he gonna get upset about today?"

I wanna be a kid again.