I think good things are coming….

I’m in a funk. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m depressed, but I’m definitely something. I honestly don’t want to be around people. I’ve cancelled so many plans and I feel bad because people just keep inviting me out. I’ve finally just come straight out and told everyone that until I’m done with this house and all the IVF stuff, I’m just going to lay low. I don’t want people to feel like I don’t care about them or anything, but I honestly just do not have any energy, or anything really, for anyone outside of this bubble right now. I’m hoping once the weather warms up more I’ll start feeling…better?….but right now, it’s just too much. I feel so much pressure to at least get all of that painting and the harder stuff done around here before we move forward with the next round of IVF. I certainly don’t want to be doing it all while TTC or while pregnant…because if I lost the baby, or failed to get pregnant at all, I know I would blame myself. So anyway, right now I’m just working on my bubble and trying to be at peace inside it!

I’m feeling a little optimist about things though. I finally enrolled my daughter in preschool. Only for 2 days a week, but I think it would do us both so much good. She is SUCH a smart, extra sociable little creature lol. I know she’ll love it and I’m positive she’ll really take off once she sees all the other kiddos learning and doing stuff. Kids are the best teachers for other kids. It’s amazing how much they pick up from one another. I think just having that time to myself will do ME a lot of good though too. I just need a break here and there! I’m so tired allll the time lately. It would be such a relief to be able to get stuff done, whether errands or fun, and then actually focus solely on her in the evening! Right now I’m strung so far in so many directions. I hope they’ll be able to get her in soon. I’m supposed to take a tour within the next few days and they should let me know whether she can start now or in August. 🤞🏻

I’m looking forward to spring and summer here in the new house. (I can’t wait to get the house done and finally have a house warming party!) There are so many plants surrounding the house that are a total mystery right now. I did have a group confirm that 3 of the large ‘trees’ are actually crepe myrtles. That really excited me because I’ve never seen any this big in this entire state!! I’m excited to see what color(s) they will be. I’m pretty positive there’s a Japanese maple in the front of the house. I love them too. Who knows what kind of flowers and whatnot we’ll have. I’m also really looking forward to starting my garden in April. I THINK I’ve got enough room to have a pretty awesome vegetable garden…and some fruits too. I’ve been wanting to have a garden for years, so it’s going to be so wonderful to finally be able to have one. If only I could have some chickens now.

Anyway, I’ve been making good progress around the house the last few days. So I’m feeling a LITTLE better. Hopefully I’ll start painting the kitchen tomorrow. My girl has been so good while I’ve been working so hard. And we’ve been having the best little dance parties and whatnot. She really is the best thing ever. The new puppy is still a terror but I think I’m finally making a little progress with her. I got a shock collar, but instead of shocking her I’ve been using the ‘beep’ botton. It just makes a beep and she stops what she’s doing instantly lol. She’s been learning pretty quick from it! I also ordered a gate so she won’t be able to track mud onto the carpet or eat our stuff 😜 That’ll be a relief. I ordered Bella for the door too. Please dear God help me potty train this dog!!! My toddler was so easy lol. Anyway, all in all, things are slowly coming together. If you’ve read this far, comment “Easter Bunny” and I’ll try to do something nice for you. Who knows what lol. People don’t read anymore. They comment like they did…like there’s some popularity contest or something going on. Honestly I just write for myself…I’m not looking for anything here…but if someone IS going to comment, they should actually mean it and be relevant and on point lol.

My husband has been like a totally different person this week. I don’t know what’s gotten into him. He’s been wanting snuggles. Say what?! He’s been wanting to talk. Say who?! He’s been wanting me to hang around and spend time with him. Say huh?! He’s been being extra sweet. I’ve been wondering if it’s because of the fight we had a bit before Valentine’s Day. I laid into him because he tried to point the blame at me for being crazy, and I pointed out every thing he’d done that’s made me this way…There was this weird moment where he was like, “you better be careful! Once you say something, you can’t take it back! There’s no fixing it once it’s out there!” and I remember pausing for a second like, ‘what the heck are you going on about? I’m not saying anything hurtful, only mentioning the things HE did to me. Truth. Actions. Things that scarred me. Maybe he thought I was about to suggest a divorce? I don’t know. Either way, he’s been on his best behavior since then. We’ll see how long it lasts. We have been doing pretty good for a bit here though.

Anyway, I’ve rambled my little heart out now. Hopefully only to strangers. I keep thinking I shouldn’t write anymore in case a certain someone is reading. It’s better for both of us if they don’t. At least until we’re both healed from our own issues and at peace with…everything. But, free will to all and all that. Anyway, that’s all for now folks.