God please help me.

I spend my whole life just drinking my pain away. I don't keep up with basic chores. My home is a mess. I'm not taking essential medications. I don't keep up with work. I'm gaining weight. I just don't know how to be an adult and do basic stuff. I always thought I was gonna do great things like be a musician or a pilot or a body builder but I can't even just show up to work.

And now my family are leaving me. My grandpa died. My uncle died. My dad might have cancer now. My mom is next. I spent so many years demonizing them and pushing them away and I can't get those years back. And I feel like it's already too late. Things will never be the same again.

And my health is fading, too. I might have short term memory loss from so much drinking. My IBS and GERD are getting worse. I have sleep apnea and I can't wake up to see a doctor or therapist about any of this.

I'm just so childish and disorganized. I ruined my health and my relationship with my parents and my career life. I can't keep up with expectations.

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Docdon23 · M

Find an AA meeting and just go attend it. You don't have to do anything--just sit and listen. Eventually make friends, share and find a sponsor. I was there once long ago. One day at a time, and you can get better.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@Docdon23 I've been to AA before. I'll go back.

Docdon23 · M

@SinlessOnslaught Good! if you can, find someone there to talk with and ask to be your sponsor. Recovery works much better when you have someone you can talk frequently with. And don't beat yourself up all the time. Find a few things that bring you joy in life and be sure to do them, perhaps exercise, perhaps music or nature or pets or a hobby.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@Docdon23 Oh I exercise almost every day.

Docdon23 · M

@SinlessOnslaught That should help!!! Do you have addiction in your family? My father was an abusive alcoholic. One thing that changed my life was when i had kids and did not want to abuse them--I loved them dearly--and they became my "higher power" (are you familiar with that term in AA?). That can be a tough one.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@Docdon23 Yeah I'm familiar with that term.

I don't know if I have addiciton in my family but I know some of them drink a lot.

Docdon23 · M

@SinlessOnslaught Yes--sometimes people shy away from labeling alcoholism...that was one of my father's problems, and my wife as well 9she is an alcoholic, but does not seem like it to most people who do not see her private habits). And that was an issue with my son, who became a drug addict--saying that makes some people cringe. To me it is a medical label (some will jump on me for saying this)--addiction is like any other disease. Some part of the brain does not function as it does for non-addicts. It is a disease, and we will not successfully help enough people until we see it that way and people are more willing to both seek help and to have people help them. Too many see it just as weakness. I told people that about my son--we would not say having cancer was a weakness, but a disease that needed to be treated.

SinlessOnslaught · M

@Docdon23 Yeah, people still misunderstand mental illness to a disgusting degree.

Docdon23 · M

@SinlessOnslaught Please also know that there are many people out there, and here, who struggle with the same issues you do. You are not alone.