I wish I'd just run freely
I am checking flights for when I think I will make my move. Because I have a date in mind, but I have open ended matters, unfortunately. Yet the minute I decided on an exact date, I will book the flight early on. I am not even booking the flight just yet, but choosing the option of a one way ticket sort of scared me...
Worth mentioning though, that whenever I am walking on the street and I see a plane in the sky above me, I feel free! Because I feel I could have been on this plane, headed for a less restricted life.
But I have to admit, I am really scared. Is this normal? Maybe I am more scared than others.. Maybe it is because I am totally alone.. Maybe because I am a wuss 🤷♀️🥔
It is the first time in my life where I don't have a clear path and rules to follow. I was not raised to make choices and explore life and options. I was raised following a very narrow path without much freedom to go right or left. I guess this is why I am scared... I think someone else who's had more life experience than me... as in made all the choices in life without much restriction over it..May even be younger than me, wouldn't be as scared as me.
... and I wonder if I could ever change myself at this age, to be the courageous, adventurous, and spontaneous person who enjoys the run... Without counting the steps they will take first, estimating the exact time they will reach, researching the exact route they will take, and whether it is the best route or not.. Scan the environment surrounding them, project the consequences on themselves and others, and just make up best and worst case scenarios... Yea, that's me, I do all of these things, when I wish I'd just run freely and see where I will reach.
Worth mentioning though, that whenever I am walking on the street and I see a plane in the sky above me, I feel free! Because I feel I could have been on this plane, headed for a less restricted life.
But I have to admit, I am really scared. Is this normal? Maybe I am more scared than others.. Maybe it is because I am totally alone.. Maybe because I am a wuss 🤷♀️🥔
It is the first time in my life where I don't have a clear path and rules to follow. I was not raised to make choices and explore life and options. I was raised following a very narrow path without much freedom to go right or left. I guess this is why I am scared... I think someone else who's had more life experience than me... as in made all the choices in life without much restriction over it..May even be younger than me, wouldn't be as scared as me.
... and I wonder if I could ever change myself at this age, to be the courageous, adventurous, and spontaneous person who enjoys the run... Without counting the steps they will take first, estimating the exact time they will reach, researching the exact route they will take, and whether it is the best route or not.. Scan the environment surrounding them, project the consequences on themselves and others, and just make up best and worst case scenarios... Yea, that's me, I do all of these things, when I wish I'd just run freely and see where I will reach.
31-35, F
