Hindsight really is 20/20
On Wednesday I confided to a coworker that I drink almost half a bottle of tequila a day.
I have only admitted it to the people closest. Mom, sister.
Backstory:
I called off work Monday, cause I drank too much on Sunday.
Woke up on Tuesday angry as f*ck. Swore all the way through my morning routine of shower and face. I hate mornings more than I hate myself.
Got to work feeling bottled up, tired, angry..and trapped in a facade. Because I felt all that but had to pretend not to because that is "normal". Smiles. Smiled at whoever I passed. Well, grimaced. And started working. I don't even hate my job. It's just a trapped feeling. I don't know how to explain.
Around midday my coworker comes to vent to me again about his living situation.
A spot in the conversation opened up where I could blurt out something about myself and I just blurted out my "alcoholic" secret. I drink about 3.5 bottles of 750ml tequila a week. My main family knows but I just needed to get it out because it kills me that it's a secret. I couldn't hold it in.
Them: (a VERY good speech that really hit me. Looking at what you have versus what you want, being grateful) BUT then followed with...."Pick one day and do your makeup, dress sexy, go to a restaurant, and see how that changes how you feel. You will feel good and everyone will be looking at you. See how their body language changes."
Me: *look of horror* I hate that idea! But I am actually going out to eat Friday..... my mom wants to and has a coupon for Ruby Tuesday
Them: Ok, I'll hold you to it. I want proof.
That night:
Thinking of the first part of the speech. just about taking care of yourself as a person. So I gave myself a spa day and took care of my face and nails and laundry. I still drank but at least I accomplished something.
Didn't see them Thursday. Usual.
Friday -
Saw them midday and they asked what I was doing tonight with my mom.
This was after I ate way too much at lunch and felt like barfing. I said the plan was off. My mom never followed up and I felt stuffed anyway.
Immediately they said I was so full of shit for saying I would go out with my mom and didn't. They kept saying "do something", "go to the restaurant alone", "get out of the rut". " get a coffee" (and no, NEVER insinuating going with him)
What are your thoughts?
This person is married, with kids, and has never asked me out or anything like that. Also I am not interested at all.
Just curious what this kind of behavior is.
They lived through an abusive childhood...abuse of every kind.
I just don't like how someone wants to snap their fingers and change my personality. When I said I take life at my pace, they said, "No, NO baby steps". Then make me feel guilty for not agreeing.
But hello, I am my own person.
They accused me of not listening. But THEY aren't listening. I told them I really took in what they said.
And they said I was full of shit. "I really thought you would do it".
🙄
In the end, I know me better than them.
They are trying to convince me I don't.
(reference, they are 40)
I have only admitted it to the people closest. Mom, sister.
Backstory:
I called off work Monday, cause I drank too much on Sunday.
Woke up on Tuesday angry as f*ck. Swore all the way through my morning routine of shower and face. I hate mornings more than I hate myself.
Got to work feeling bottled up, tired, angry..and trapped in a facade. Because I felt all that but had to pretend not to because that is "normal". Smiles. Smiled at whoever I passed. Well, grimaced. And started working. I don't even hate my job. It's just a trapped feeling. I don't know how to explain.
Around midday my coworker comes to vent to me again about his living situation.
A spot in the conversation opened up where I could blurt out something about myself and I just blurted out my "alcoholic" secret. I drink about 3.5 bottles of 750ml tequila a week. My main family knows but I just needed to get it out because it kills me that it's a secret. I couldn't hold it in.
Them: (a VERY good speech that really hit me. Looking at what you have versus what you want, being grateful) BUT then followed with...."Pick one day and do your makeup, dress sexy, go to a restaurant, and see how that changes how you feel. You will feel good and everyone will be looking at you. See how their body language changes."
Me: *look of horror* I hate that idea! But I am actually going out to eat Friday..... my mom wants to and has a coupon for Ruby Tuesday
Them: Ok, I'll hold you to it. I want proof.
That night:
Thinking of the first part of the speech. just about taking care of yourself as a person. So I gave myself a spa day and took care of my face and nails and laundry. I still drank but at least I accomplished something.
Didn't see them Thursday. Usual.
Friday -
Saw them midday and they asked what I was doing tonight with my mom.
This was after I ate way too much at lunch and felt like barfing. I said the plan was off. My mom never followed up and I felt stuffed anyway.
Immediately they said I was so full of shit for saying I would go out with my mom and didn't. They kept saying "do something", "go to the restaurant alone", "get out of the rut". " get a coffee" (and no, NEVER insinuating going with him)
What are your thoughts?
This person is married, with kids, and has never asked me out or anything like that. Also I am not interested at all.
Just curious what this kind of behavior is.
They lived through an abusive childhood...abuse of every kind.
I just don't like how someone wants to snap their fingers and change my personality. When I said I take life at my pace, they said, "No, NO baby steps". Then make me feel guilty for not agreeing.
But hello, I am my own person.
They accused me of not listening. But THEY aren't listening. I told them I really took in what they said.
And they said I was full of shit. "I really thought you would do it".
🙄
In the end, I know me better than them.
They are trying to convince me I don't.
(reference, they are 40)
36-40, F
