Mixed feelings

I have many weird mixed feelings.. Strangeness, but a sense of belonging.. Feeling cold inside, but not wanting to leave... I can't even keep track of time or days.. I can't tell when I arrived, and when I should leave.. and it is like I don't want to keep track or check...

I feel like I don't want to go back, but it doesn't mean that I feel accustomed here or okay.. I feel like I am spinning inside a washing machine..

.. But i just got out of a difficult traumatic experience, and into a new world, with a lot of uncertainty in the future.. I can't wait to have more stability to be able to judge if this is what I have been looking for.