I went to a funeral of an older friend today and I encountered many people from my old company

Had a few brief discussions. In two conversations i felt like I shrunk and went back into my older self, full of insecurity, excusing myself, confusing my words, sentences playing in my head blaming me. I hated it. Together with the funeral, i cried for seeing this.
Am I making everything about myself ? I know why, for my constant will to be wanted, for I realise only now how I've spent my whole life shying away cause of feelings of being unwanted.
The good part is, I have booked myself a massage in a couple of hours. All is good. 🖤 It just hurts seeing some things 🌬️🌊 and a goodbye to Miki.