I need to be recharged
Every-time I am in a family atmosphere, I leave it with my heart filled with sadness and strangeness.. I am not sure why... I mean yea I know probably because my relationship with my family is not good, and it feels weird/sad/or like I am betraying my family, when I attend events for my friends, which I don't for my family members.
It is extra sad when it is this one friend of mine, who reside in front of my old residence .. it fills me with sadness every time I am back in the area.. I just feel my mother is allover the place ...
My friend's sister knows me and knows that I was living with my mother before, so when I told her that soon I will be flying to Canada, she asked me what about your mother? I actually lied.. I just don't seem to be able to say to anyone that she passed away... I really don't want to talk about it... I only told this one friend of mine and when I said the word aloud, it felt so weird... it is like I still don't believe it..
The only reason I went to this birthday party is because my friend's daughter is so cute. Last time we went out, she stayed with me the whole time and won't go back to her mother.. She actually kept grabbing my shirt as if I am going to run away lol and would put her head on my chest, even though she saw me only a few times before that.. I love social kids like this.. so I went. But I hate to be the one to say it, I think I am anti social! I just hate to be around many people whom I did not choose to be around, who are not. my type... and I am very picky actually about my type.. I don't get along with people so easily. Being around strangers make me feel consumed and awkward.. Like this one lady, kept interrogating me about my life, wtf she probably does not even know my name... I hate being around such people, maybe I am too picky, but someone with such character, I wouldn't keep around.. Probably why I do not have many friends.
Only thing I know is that I feel too consumed and extra sad.. and I feel that I miss my mother.
It is extra sad when it is this one friend of mine, who reside in front of my old residence .. it fills me with sadness every time I am back in the area.. I just feel my mother is allover the place ...
My friend's sister knows me and knows that I was living with my mother before, so when I told her that soon I will be flying to Canada, she asked me what about your mother? I actually lied.. I just don't seem to be able to say to anyone that she passed away... I really don't want to talk about it... I only told this one friend of mine and when I said the word aloud, it felt so weird... it is like I still don't believe it..
The only reason I went to this birthday party is because my friend's daughter is so cute. Last time we went out, she stayed with me the whole time and won't go back to her mother.. She actually kept grabbing my shirt as if I am going to run away lol and would put her head on my chest, even though she saw me only a few times before that.. I love social kids like this.. so I went. But I hate to be the one to say it, I think I am anti social! I just hate to be around many people whom I did not choose to be around, who are not. my type... and I am very picky actually about my type.. I don't get along with people so easily. Being around strangers make me feel consumed and awkward.. Like this one lady, kept interrogating me about my life, wtf she probably does not even know my name... I hate being around such people, maybe I am too picky, but someone with such character, I wouldn't keep around.. Probably why I do not have many friends.
Only thing I know is that I feel too consumed and extra sad.. and I feel that I miss my mother.
31-35, F
