I think the reason I'm afraid of moving out is

Being sl.ut shamed by my mother, who would abandon me if I did something as "shameless" as living on my own. She already said it was "suspicious" that I wanted to stay in boarding close to my workplace. I know that she would accuse me of pursuing "other" interests if I moved out. The woman who has breakdowns over me dressing up, or going out to socialize, or on doing extra hours at work is going to create a havoc over me separating myself to live on my own and eventually abandon me out of shame. And her abandonment would leave me all alone in the world. Who would I have to help me navigate my way through life? I have zero friends. Zero resources to fall back on. Zero guidance.

But at the same time I'm afraid that living with my parents in extreme dysfunction would render me helpless and codependent forever. Yet I'm not sure if I'd be able to survive alone for long. What if I end up regretting not moving out my entire life? What if I end up regretting MOVING out my entire life?

Oh my goodness. The dilemma is piquing my anxiety. IDK what to do. I'm fcking 28 years old and I'm so dysfunctional that it's killing me. I don't want to be in this house. I can't do this anymore. I want to live on my own terms. Cook for myself. Keep my plants. Decorate my space the way I want. Wear what I wish to. I'm so done being micromanaged. I want to see if I can do it. My mother convinces me that I'm incapable. I'm so afraid to live. But I'm so curious to know if I can do these things. And yet I'm afraid to find out that she's right. I'm so confused.