The secret
The one perk I learned about my weekend drinking habit.....is that time does not exist.
If you drink enough, like I do on a Friday, time becomes....loose.
For 24 hours, time does not exist. I drink so much that I pass out on the couch at midnight, and wake up at 4am, and feel the same as if I slept 8 hours on a weekday.
Time is my anxiety. Time is my achilles heel. I am subconsciously always obsessed with time. What time is it. How much time I need to sleep for a good night sleep. How much time for lunch. Calculating time, always.
But, on Friday night, when I drink too much, time goes out the window.
Like now. its 4:41am.
I walked outside, just to admire the quiet.
No one staring, no noise, not anything.
I almost want to take my dog for a walk.
Time is relative.
These are my best moments.
BUT.......there are consequences to it. Hangovers are a b*tch these days.
My coworker asks why I drink, when I end up feeling so shite.
It's because of these moments. The small pocket of relief is worth more to me than sobriety right now.
My meds doc won't give me anything stronger than propranolol. I've asked. Still no. And w*ed is not legal here. I still smoke it but the batches I get are so weak. I feel stuck.
Except on Friday night.
If you drink enough, like I do on a Friday, time becomes....loose.
For 24 hours, time does not exist. I drink so much that I pass out on the couch at midnight, and wake up at 4am, and feel the same as if I slept 8 hours on a weekday.
Time is my anxiety. Time is my achilles heel. I am subconsciously always obsessed with time. What time is it. How much time I need to sleep for a good night sleep. How much time for lunch. Calculating time, always.
But, on Friday night, when I drink too much, time goes out the window.
Like now. its 4:41am.
I walked outside, just to admire the quiet.
No one staring, no noise, not anything.
I almost want to take my dog for a walk.
Time is relative.
These are my best moments.
BUT.......there are consequences to it. Hangovers are a b*tch these days.
My coworker asks why I drink, when I end up feeling so shite.
It's because of these moments. The small pocket of relief is worth more to me than sobriety right now.
My meds doc won't give me anything stronger than propranolol. I've asked. Still no. And w*ed is not legal here. I still smoke it but the batches I get are so weak. I feel stuck.
Except on Friday night.
36-40, F
