Feeling better yesterday and today. Testing out this ‘have faith’ thing

So many times I’ve tried to talk myself out of being an atheist and I just can’t do it. 🤷🏻‍♀️😅

It’s tough because there’s no concept of a ‘greater than you’ influence to find reassurance in when the odds are stacked against you. There’s causation and consequences. There’s just you, your internal and external resources, whatever support system you have, and a role of the dice — Possibility and plausibility.

Sometimes I forget how much is possible though.

Sometimes I forget there are a lot of things happening or about to happen that are beyond my awareness. In some ways that resembles spirituality —- finding solace in the acceptance that I don’t know everything
—- that something I don’t know might be about to happen,
— and that something might be what I need/want, or at least assist in me continuing in the general direction of what I need/want.

‘Faith’ that more is possible. plausible, happening, doable than I am aware of.
Or maybe that’s just a kind of humility?

So… I keep checking my e-mail.. 2 houses show up that could fit into what we narrowly need/want and can afford.. we looked at a couple yesterday. They’re not stellar like that massive, retro house, but just having any options helps the Sisyphus feelings.