Waking up here

It takes about three minutes until I realize I’m back on this road, in this house and I start to lose myself to the sadness. My kid seems to hate me rn too. I think he’s mad at me because I don’t want to be in Delaware. Everyone I know here is depressed and doesn’t understand they’re dragging me down. They act like I’m some war hero come home and I can fix their problems too. But the whole point is it took time to heal and I had to do it on my own. Every time I turn around something in this house is broken or moldy or falling apart and it’s so much work. I hate it here so much. My body feels horrible and I just want to sleep through every day. Starting up some suicidal ideation again too. I have to get out of here. It’s destroying me all over again.