Really messed up

Today, I went to my ex's job and tried talking to her because she was ignorning my texts and calls and it ended pretty badly. I never even recognized myself for a second as I tried to get her to talk to me. I held unto her arms as she tried to leave. I cant seem to understand that its over and I need to move on. I did do pretty awful things to her.

I am truly messed up in the head and