How do you handle awkward moments where something is going well for you and badly for someone else so you can’t commiserate like they’re hoping?

For the first time in my life aside from all this crazy health stuff everything is going great. However, this is not the case for many of my friends.
Empathetic and offering emotional support is easy, but they don’t just want empathy/support. They want to hear that everyone’s life also sucks, which normalized their predicaments and choices.

Ex: they hate their job, but you love your job. They have a terrible boyfriend/girlfriend, but you’re in a happy relationship. etc

When put in this position I normally downplay the good in my life or just don’t mention it because I don’t want make them feel worse.

I’m just wondering if there’s a better way?

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PirateMonkeyCabinet · 36-40, M

The way I see it there are four options of dealing with those kinds of situations:
* Calling them out or just have a real talk with them about it. Although that's something not everyone can deal with, that might end bad and they may simply be unable to realize the issue with what they are doing.
* Ending the friendship for the not-so-friendlike behaviour of wanting ill upon those who are your friends and who care about you. Obviously that isn't ideal and their behaviour may very well be unintentional without them understanding the effect of their actions on others trying to be there for them.
* Ignore it and just keep being honest about your life, meaning saying you like your job if it fits the conversation instead of sidestepping it, which will probably frustrate them.
* Or do as you already are doing, downplaying it and just trying to keep supporting without being dragged down to their state.

Simply put, as far as I can see there are no good options, just weighing what is the least bad in your mind.

I understand that from their point of view hearing others having a whale of a time while they are in a bad place may make their struggles feel even worse, and that there is some comfort in not feeling like they are the only ones who have a shit time... but there is a difference between struggling to hear about other's joys of the world and maybe respectfully requesting to not have to hear it, as opposed to actively wanting friends to have a bad time.

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PirateMonkeyCabinet · 36-40, M

@WhateverWorks Maybe there are other options, but I at least fail to see what they may be.

Obviously I don't know the person, their struggles, how they usually are and all that, but unless they are someone who can take a dose of harsh truth even when struggling then it does indeed sound like you've done the best compromise you can do. It is kinda frustrating and sad though when achieving happiness and good things create a divide. People around cheer you on until you do good, and then you end up being made to almost feel guilty because they have not.

It's good of you to remain someone's friend even when they are struggling and you are not, especially when they put you in such a position. Just don't forget to care for your own self in the midst of it. It's okay to be there for them, but not if it ends up costing you your happiness, if it ends up costing too much.