The ripple effects
Before I met you, I never really understood what a "situationship" was nor how to properly define it. I never even knew it was remotely possible to be perfectly honest. You came into my life as a friend who comforted me after a very terrible breakup. You did pull me out of a very dark space, I'll certainly give you that.
See, as the days went, the weeks flew, I started seeing you, I mean, I REALLY started seeing you. You were everything that my ex wasn't. Undoubtedly, I started falling for you, I fell for every piece of you, every flaw, no discriminations. I always had my doubts about you because you had never been with a woman and this avenue was brand new. I was weary and a bit hesitant but my feelings never cared, I couldn't control them. I had let myself go with you, I never thought about my ex, only thought about you. I remember the very first time we made love, you told me that you didn't want to hurt me the way my ex did and that you were terrified of bringing me back to that dark place. I always wondered why you thought you'd bring me back there. Maybe, just maybe that was one of them red flags that I painted white. I asked you several times, "what are we?" You never wanted a relationship, you actually sent an extremely long text that night, detailing the many reasons why we couldn't actually be together. I remembered how those words cut like hell, from you citing the religious reasons to you saying that bad things keeps happening to you since you've traversed this avenue to how financially unstable you were so you couldn't afford to be my GF. I was determined, that we'd be JUST FRIENDS from that day on as I never EVER wanted to be the reason anyone felt like that.
Weeks went, I started talking to other females on dating apps. You never liked it, you got madly jealous and would pretend to be genuinely happy for me. Granted, my feelings never did disappear and I was still very much in love with you. You told me shortly afterwards that you met some guy on IG and that he was showing "interest." I was deeply hurt but never showed it. As the weeks flew, your behavior changed towards me, you were acting all infatuated and in love, in a sense, reciprocating all that I showed you initially. You would send me romantic videos from tikTok and youtube. You even told me you loved me indirectly through one of those videos. Fast forward, my family and yours planned a beach trip and you told me on that day that you're madly in love with me. You asked for a relationship at that point and I turned u down, I dragged your memory to all those things you previously told me but eventually, I told u we'd try again because Still, I WAS very much in love with u EVEN THOUGH I knew you were confused as hell.
I TRIED, oh I TRIED to be great for you, I supported you financially, covered all your expenses whenever we'd go out, I'd help out with your daughter's expenses, I stayed up ridiculously late to help out with your assignments, I assisted you with your online exam, I even promised to pay your tuition for the upcoming semester even though i'd be seriously depleting my savings. I just wanted you to see how much I really love and was willing to do anything for you. You told me that you wanted to stay single for a while and figure yourself out because you were just confused about everything in your life. I fully supported you and was willing to stay by your side and WAIT for you.
Suddenly, you're telling me that you met this other guy on IG and that you've been developing feelings for him. OMG! At this point, I went NUMB, completely and utterly NUMB. I was debilitated because here I was making a complete fool out of myself when you were there catching feelings for someone else. sighhhh!! You TOLD ME you wanted to work on yourself and you're actually there liking someone else. I WAS NEVER ENOUGH FOR YOU! When I confronted you, you finally told me that you just couldn't deal with a secret relationship, that you wanted to be able to tell your family about your partner and that you wanted to go back to church but just afraid that that "god might strike you" for living this life.
I told you I couldn't stay in your life and watch you love someone else. I told you that I never thought you ever loved me and you denied it all. You begged me to stay in your life and told me you dont want to lose me and you want me to stay by your side forvever.
Now, I just need some serious help. HOW could I still stay connected to this girl? How can I stay and watch her potentially love someone else? Watch him get everything I couldnt get? PLEASE, someone give me your honest opinion! I am so in love with her at this point, I cant even think straight. What hurts even more is that during all that, she's asking me if i'll still pay her tuition.
See, as the days went, the weeks flew, I started seeing you, I mean, I REALLY started seeing you. You were everything that my ex wasn't. Undoubtedly, I started falling for you, I fell for every piece of you, every flaw, no discriminations. I always had my doubts about you because you had never been with a woman and this avenue was brand new. I was weary and a bit hesitant but my feelings never cared, I couldn't control them. I had let myself go with you, I never thought about my ex, only thought about you. I remember the very first time we made love, you told me that you didn't want to hurt me the way my ex did and that you were terrified of bringing me back to that dark place. I always wondered why you thought you'd bring me back there. Maybe, just maybe that was one of them red flags that I painted white. I asked you several times, "what are we?" You never wanted a relationship, you actually sent an extremely long text that night, detailing the many reasons why we couldn't actually be together. I remembered how those words cut like hell, from you citing the religious reasons to you saying that bad things keeps happening to you since you've traversed this avenue to how financially unstable you were so you couldn't afford to be my GF. I was determined, that we'd be JUST FRIENDS from that day on as I never EVER wanted to be the reason anyone felt like that.
Weeks went, I started talking to other females on dating apps. You never liked it, you got madly jealous and would pretend to be genuinely happy for me. Granted, my feelings never did disappear and I was still very much in love with you. You told me shortly afterwards that you met some guy on IG and that he was showing "interest." I was deeply hurt but never showed it. As the weeks flew, your behavior changed towards me, you were acting all infatuated and in love, in a sense, reciprocating all that I showed you initially. You would send me romantic videos from tikTok and youtube. You even told me you loved me indirectly through one of those videos. Fast forward, my family and yours planned a beach trip and you told me on that day that you're madly in love with me. You asked for a relationship at that point and I turned u down, I dragged your memory to all those things you previously told me but eventually, I told u we'd try again because Still, I WAS very much in love with u EVEN THOUGH I knew you were confused as hell.
I TRIED, oh I TRIED to be great for you, I supported you financially, covered all your expenses whenever we'd go out, I'd help out with your daughter's expenses, I stayed up ridiculously late to help out with your assignments, I assisted you with your online exam, I even promised to pay your tuition for the upcoming semester even though i'd be seriously depleting my savings. I just wanted you to see how much I really love and was willing to do anything for you. You told me that you wanted to stay single for a while and figure yourself out because you were just confused about everything in your life. I fully supported you and was willing to stay by your side and WAIT for you.
Suddenly, you're telling me that you met this other guy on IG and that you've been developing feelings for him. OMG! At this point, I went NUMB, completely and utterly NUMB. I was debilitated because here I was making a complete fool out of myself when you were there catching feelings for someone else. sighhhh!! You TOLD ME you wanted to work on yourself and you're actually there liking someone else. I WAS NEVER ENOUGH FOR YOU! When I confronted you, you finally told me that you just couldn't deal with a secret relationship, that you wanted to be able to tell your family about your partner and that you wanted to go back to church but just afraid that that "god might strike you" for living this life.
I told you I couldn't stay in your life and watch you love someone else. I told you that I never thought you ever loved me and you denied it all. You begged me to stay in your life and told me you dont want to lose me and you want me to stay by your side forvever.
Now, I just need some serious help. HOW could I still stay connected to this girl? How can I stay and watch her potentially love someone else? Watch him get everything I couldnt get? PLEASE, someone give me your honest opinion! I am so in love with her at this point, I cant even think straight. What hurts even more is that during all that, she's asking me if i'll still pay her tuition.
26-30, F
