All things considering

[quote]And you wonder why my heart beats no fear ....[/quote]

All I will say is I thought the same way to the point that I felt like something was wrong with me. Life has a funny way of correcting your problems. Fear is a gift, Pegasus1. Without fear, without an instinctual, innate need to protect yourself and survive, you don't know when there [i]is[/i] a real need to protect yourself or others. Trusting our instincts is our #1 defense. We don't have those instinctual feelings or intuition when we aren't affected by fear. In other words, without fear, you'd die.

Do you know what courage is? It's being fearful and moving forward anyhow. Courage is admirable, because it takes a lot of guts to be fearful yet be the one to protect your peers.

I'm sorry about your childhood. But, do know that it's ok to feel fear under the right circumstances. You should worry if you stop experiencing fear, because if you ever get forced into survival mode...You won't last long.

I highly doubt this was your point in your post, but I wanted to address it. It's a common theme among people who have been in similar situations growing up. And, this way of thinking doesn't benefit anyone including themselves.

I'm glad you're writing.

No judgement
You survived
So what purpose will your life have now that you have control?

Hugs
Life teaches us resilience and gives us grit