How do you deal with deaths in the family when it's a family member you were not on good terms with?
A strange tempest of emotions indeed.
31-35, M
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SW-User
2 years ago, my brother in law died. He was an abusive alcoholic and I was victim to a side of him that no-one in the family knows about. The day of the funeral, I was throwing up and just could not go. I knew I'd never make it through all the "He was a good man" bullshit.
I also struggled with massive guilt. I had literally prayed that if he wasn't going to change, that God would take him. I so desperately wanted his daughter to not be exposed to what I knew he was capable of (she was only 2 at the time).
It is STILL hard. I go to my sister in law's (now my ex) and his picture is up everywhere....I mean everywhere. It's what she decorates her Christmas tree with, and every wall, door, or flat surface. On the anniversary of his death, we went to his grave and she wanted us each to say something about him that was special to us. I spent all night thinking of what I could HONESTLY say. I did finally come up with something, but it was such a wrestle.
Anyway, all this personal rambling is to tell you, let yourself feel what you feel. Don't force yourself to conform to what others think you should. Take your time, be patient with yourself, and allow the grieving process to happen however it will. You may be numb and then be overwhelmed with the need to scream or break something or whatever. Find a healthy way to do it.Let it out.
Most of all, I'm sorry for your loss and for the massive brewing of emotions that you are going through. Hugs
I also struggled with massive guilt. I had literally prayed that if he wasn't going to change, that God would take him. I so desperately wanted his daughter to not be exposed to what I knew he was capable of (she was only 2 at the time).
It is STILL hard. I go to my sister in law's (now my ex) and his picture is up everywhere....I mean everywhere. It's what she decorates her Christmas tree with, and every wall, door, or flat surface. On the anniversary of his death, we went to his grave and she wanted us each to say something about him that was special to us. I spent all night thinking of what I could HONESTLY say. I did finally come up with something, but it was such a wrestle.
Anyway, all this personal rambling is to tell you, let yourself feel what you feel. Don't force yourself to conform to what others think you should. Take your time, be patient with yourself, and allow the grieving process to happen however it will. You may be numb and then be overwhelmed with the need to scream or break something or whatever. Find a healthy way to do it.Let it out.
Most of all, I'm sorry for your loss and for the massive brewing of emotions that you are going through. Hugs
UndeadPrivateer · 31-35, M
@SW-User Thank you so much. 🤗🤗