how bad is it?

I'm preparing to go to therapy this afternoon and ask to be hospitalized for m depression if they are not able to give me the treatment I requested (group sessions 3 times a week). I am nervous and anxious, but not so much worried (if that makes any sense). This whole process is to be able to get the help I need and not keep having suicidal thoughts. I don't want to die, and have no intentions to kill myself. Yet I cant stop thinking about it and I keep looking up ways to write a will and a Just in case note.