Why is your heart heavy right now?

Mine is because I am here, eating my rice-milk chocolate orange, writing out my heart to my best (and you could say only) friend who doesn't even live in this country, and who's mum just died recently. They tried to call his brother, who was in (another) another country, so he went to visit her and found.. an empty bed.

I'm also thinking of my Mum and Dad. Dad's retired in the last couple of years, and Mum's got her first job where they actually value her. She's always been a computer addict, probably an escape from feeling unappreciated. But Dad was just on gruelling shifts his whole working life, doing it for us, his family, and so he could enjoy a retirement. It's backfiring just now. She doesn't wanna know.

I can pull this back, that's not a problem. The problem is my heart is heavy, and right now I don't seem to be able to shift it. I should take my own advice, look out the window - go outside, listen to the birds, watch insects walk by, find inspiration from the glorious sunset. Instead I turn to my rice-milk chocolate orange, and I skulk.

How do you make yourself listen to the little voices you can barely hear over the melodrama? They invariably talk about things that are happy, that make your heart sing for joy again - but when misery drowns them out... What do you do?

I used to listen to HIM (old stuff, Dark Light, Wings of a Butterfly, Join Me...), Nightwish classics, and some others. Now, well, I want that music in my life again but not for escape anymore. I want to appreciate it for the music. Now I yearn for a different approach. I simply don't know what that looks like - and I'm turning to this community to help me out.

Thanks for the love.