Sobreity

Maybe this will sound judgmental, I will never mean it that way

I've made the decision today to become sober.
I dont even know why I express this on anonymous social media
It's been a long time since I haven't felt jaded by social media somehow

If I learn to look I have family and friends, and I love them.
I won't miss the conversations I have to make up for myself
---and yes, even in the world of amends, some judgments I have felt here, I actually want to care towards, but they are not always mine.

I'm guessing some won't miss me here, but if I am to become sober I need to take some time away.
You have to understand your own triggers and also revalue what people give you.

My biggest mistake has been not seeing the value those who love me give
That has a way to spilling differently; where it affects those who have nothing to do with you

I want people to wish me hope, love, luck. Those I already connect with in private message I really will try to keep up with you if I haven't expressed already (which I haven't)

I appreciate all of you, even if we aren't close...all love

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bamaboylick · 61-69, M

A big heart out to you! Best decision I ever made,almost 8 years now. I had to learn to love myself,just as I am after I became sober. Change your environment and routine as best you can. Love,luck,live

SW-User

@bamaboylick Thanks, I guess I'm supposed to involve myself with people, as my drunken times have been alone. That'll prove difficult, I know that. No matter what come 1am I'll be alone.

SW-User

@bamaboylick I also made this decision once before, on my own - when I was with someone who got down about me drinking and then continued to drink in front of me. So I have something up from them for me :)

bamaboylick · 61-69, M

@SW-User i was a loner a good part of my drinking time too. . For me the drinking was my routine. Just coming to that realization helped so much. But I only came to know that after I had quit for awhile

SW-User

@bamaboylick so I recognize it before? all honesty does help, I did quit once before and I was with someone who placed alcohol in front of me (never at home), but in some strange way I imagine that as being easier than now.

bamaboylick · 61-69, M

@SW-User the best advice I could give you is to get to know the real you,learn to love that person.
I can definitely understand how you could find trying to get sober easier before. Been there myself

SW-User

@bamaboylick I know this is a different time, I don't have someone to go home to.... Is it weird of me, if I express I started to know parts of me I never did before? I don't think it's odd, even if I think it's a lie of it's own - people can be too harsh on people on drugs of any sort. This doesn't change my resolve, only I'm able to see my own contradiction.

bamaboylick · 61-69, M

@SW-User not weird at all. I discovered things about myself. Maybe I was subconsciously covering them up with alcohol. I know I’m completely happy now just being who I really am. I still choose who I share myself with but I don’t hide anymore either. If that makes any sense

SW-User

@bamaboylick So far it's been interesting. I don't hate the wisdom within me; I don't want this to sound nihilistic but there is a reason I avoid AA. It's not the help it can offer, or I don't recognize being surrounded by people who have dealt with your own struggles (this will always be subjective). Its my best learning has come within, often alone, and I'm not good with groups. Rarely people affect me (without alcohol clouding judgment) so why pick differently here? When they do I'm highly affected

What you said to me makes sense - what other people take from it I'm unsure but I understand in a way. Thanks for your words and support

bamaboylick · 61-69, M

@SW-User while I’m sure AA is very helpful to some,it wasn’t for me either. So happy to hear of your journey!