Where would you begin If you could start it ALL over?

Being a man who has grown up to be a father omce a husband. I would go back to the single most event that shaped my life. When I was 8 years old I met my real father only for 30 seconds. My mother did not tell me the truth until I was 14. I thought about that man every day I could remember his smell I can tell you every detail. I knew he was something special someone significant but my mother chose to lie. They are so many mistakes that I made in my life so many questions that I have so many parts of me that are empty and broken because I never got the opportunity to have the truth. I have struggled so many times to forgive my mother for that lie. If I could go back to that moment I would have asked for a picture I would have hugged him. I would have kissed him on the cheek. I would have thanked him for coming to see me making me feel important and valuable. I would have told him that no matter what I will never forget that moment I would have also asked him for something to keep of his. Even today as a grown man it breaks my heart it almost makes me cry to know that I did not have something so basic.