Where would you begin If you could start it ALL over?

I am A strong Woman who has had many hardships. AND YES...the pain of loss has brought me to my knees many times. I do not like being alone; Yet I don't want to be a care giver to some bloke telling me to go "fetch" whenever he needs another refill to his glass! Still I wonder and yearn to seek "What Could have been, or what might have been, had I been stronger."