i HAVE a LOVE/HATE Relatyionship with nerds...sometimes I have NIGHT TERRORS about them, sometimes I fantasize about them

A nerd locked me up when I served a DUI, I spoke to my therapist but he revealed himself to be a nerd and kicked me out. When I was locked up in that cell I could not get away from the smell of the nerd and he knew I hated it so he just stood there smiling at me. I am slowly getting better from my phobia, sometimes, I feel I CRAVE the smell of that nerd and nerds in general.