This year sucked.. time to get back on track

Ever since I came back from my trip, I've been dreaming of my mother daily.. It is like my brain blocked her during the trip while I had company and my brain didn't spend much time on its own, and now is releasing it all..

I just subscribed for a two month intensive course of french classes. It is because if I am going to leave it to myself, I won't have much of a progress.. I am just very distracted to get myself to study on my own and I need this interaction and pressure.. But when I subscribed and logged onto my account... i saw that the last class I missed was on the day she was admitted to the hospital.. Seeing this, just brought such a weird feeling to my heart.. I had the feelings back, when I received that message.. and suddenly all the feelings came back to me.. This year sucked badly... I am unable to understand my feelings.. Sometimes I seem to have moved on and I am not hurt, other times I see something stupid like a french class and I feel all this hurt..I am almost dreading attending that particular french class, because I will keep thinking that this is the one I would have attended that day...