I miss my ex lover and former best friend.

He was everything to me but I had a psychotic breakdown and felt I didn’t deserve him anymore and sometimes I felt guilty for being depressed and not paying as much attention to him as I should have at times. I had an online boyfriend for quite a few years and we both wanted to make our relationship real life and live together and get married but the problem was I didn’t finish my university degrees and my vocational courses with certificates of completion and diplomas to have a job/career that I could start being financially independent with and live on my own and save up money to get there. He didn’t have enough money to travel internationally and come visit me because his accounting job didn’t pay him enough and he was from India and America was much more expensive. He tried to save up money but didn’t have enough at the end of the month. Unlike me he had to pay for all his own expenses and help his brother financially support their aging parents so he was relying on me to save up enough money to bring us together. I failed him. I broke up with him after my mental breakdown because I felt he deserved better than me and I was a little lonely once in a while in an online relationship. Though that was not his fault as he tried to give me so much devoted attention and affection as he could from far away. If I had just finished my courses years earlier and I was a functional, thriving adult I could have brought him to America to visit and stay with me. Or I could have gone to live in India to be with him on an e business visa. Anyway I didn’t finish and I asked to get back together a few days later because I felt I made a big mistake but he thought about it and said as much as he wanted to get back together, he said I needed someone in real life to love who could help me. We were friends for eight months after until he quickly courted another woman and got engaged after knowing her for two-three months, then he decided it wasn’t right to be friends anymore and told me goodbye kindly. I didn’t take it too well. It’s been just about two years since he had been gone from my life. He loved me once but let me go. I wrote to him trying to get him to stay friends with me but he never replied. To this day I still miss him. I have a much longer story explaining. What happened in detail on my other posts.