I found love online
For seven to eight years and then I broke it. We wanted to meet in real life and start a life together but there were many obstacles in our way especially financial. And of course my mental health problems and low motivation to finish anything I started when it got hard like online courses for vocational training and I didn’t finish my university education due to other reasons. And my mental breakdown and psychotic break from reality over three years ago I was in psychosis. That was catalyst for me breaking up with my ex boyfriend. I fell in love hard and he loved me as well because we were both honest and authentic with each other from the onset. We were friends first actually then become boyfriend and girlfriend. But I had to go and ruin it. I can’t help but think if I had tried harder to finish my university education and also vocational training courses which could have led to decent paying careers and I didn’t let my mental health get away from me, we could have really been a real life couple. And I would have married him so he could stay. But it’s been too late for three years and three months. He also tried to come see me but was held back by finances and only reason I was not poor was my my parents were financially providing for me. His accounting job did not pay much to be honest. He had responsibilities to help provide for his aging parents and his job wasn’t a remote flexible hour kind of job though they did let him work from home for a little while during Covid but then wanted him back in the office.
I know I sound like a parrot saying the same thing over and over again. I just never got over him to be honest. I should have but I didn’t.
I will always be in love with him but I have got to move on with my life even as the loss is killing me inside years later. He was my everything. And time hasn’t changed a thing. Well it’s a hard lesson I learned. Bridges were burned because he stopped our friendship after dating and getting engaged to another woman. This girl was very kind according to him. Even if he was single still, I know we would never get back together. I was not looking to take him from her at all but I guess just trying to be a genuine friend was not good enough. Even though I still have romantic love for him, I wanted him to be happy and loved even if it was with someone else. Anyway our story of both love and friendship is long over. I wonder how he is doing though. Someday the pain will dull and fade out some more, but not completely go away. Thanks for reading….
I know I sound like a parrot saying the same thing over and over again. I just never got over him to be honest. I should have but I didn’t.
I will always be in love with him but I have got to move on with my life even as the loss is killing me inside years later. He was my everything. And time hasn’t changed a thing. Well it’s a hard lesson I learned. Bridges were burned because he stopped our friendship after dating and getting engaged to another woman. This girl was very kind according to him. Even if he was single still, I know we would never get back together. I was not looking to take him from her at all but I guess just trying to be a genuine friend was not good enough. Even though I still have romantic love for him, I wanted him to be happy and loved even if it was with someone else. Anyway our story of both love and friendship is long over. I wonder how he is doing though. Someday the pain will dull and fade out some more, but not completely go away. Thanks for reading….
31-35, F
