I had the love of my life be far away in India
He was my online long distance boyfriend until three years and three months ago. We dreamed of meeting each other in real life and starting a life together. Overall we were very compatible with each other and both felt lost and misunderstood in life. However, I had personal problems which I didn’t overcome. He was trying to save money to come see me but didn’t have enough at the end of every month from all his bills and helping to financially support his aging parents. I due to my personal problems did not have the finances to go see him either. He hoped I could be the one to bring us together (because his accounting job did not pay very much)with my studies and learning employable skills. We were together for seven to eight years waiting on me to get my life together. I have no doubt he loved back then just from the way he listened to me, encouraged me, and advised me. The way he treated me spoke volumes with his patient understanding and gentle kindness. He showed me pictures of himself as a child and pictures of his family members. He took pictures of himself at the office and sent them to me. We voice called, video called, (regularly) and text messaged every day at least twice per day. He told me he loved me often and didn’t judge me negatively for my issues. When I had my mental breakdown he didn’t run away from me. I wish things had worked out between us but there were some obstacles in our way. I’ll never forget him though. He was my true love. Not my first love but my soulmate. I know it’s hard to believe people can fall in love online but it can and does happen. I feel a gaping hole in my heart now that he is gone. I set him free to find someone else who could give him an in person relationship with less toxic drama ( like mental illnesses and low frustration tolerance for when course content got hard and confusing.) someone who had their life together as a mature responsible adult and wouldn’t make him wait many more years to begin a real life relationship. And though we loved each other very much and he paid me so much attention from far away. I sometimes felt a little lonely in an online relationship. We did movie dates and meal dates on the weekends many times. But he couldn’t go out with me when I took walks and we couldn’t explore the local area together and do outings. When I needed physical comfort like a hug because he was in India he couldn’t give me one. That wasn’t his fault. He asked me often if I was closer to finishing my courses so I could start having work and saving towards independence. He was hoping I would could bring us together because he was very honest he didn’t have the finances to fund extra things. Even with his job he took an accounting job at a small company and even with his degree from IGNOU, it wasn’t much. It was a company from Austria I think that opened up a branch in India. I did not finish my university education or vocational courses. I had no stable job or career much less a career that paid a decent wage. He said sometimes he pressured me to finish my courses faster because he saw something like a breakup happening if I didn’t finish them sooner than later. We trusted each other a lot and told each other everything. I felt in my gut he was telling me the truth. His phone number checked out in Delhi India. He treated me like his princess and was very good to me. When I was down in the dumps he tried to cheer me up and the times I only texted back with short responses and waited to text him back he didn’t want to be a nuisance so he just did his own thing for a little while. He forgave me for when my guy friends came on to me two to three of them some friends they were and he warned me they would but I didn’t listen until after it happened. I cut off the friendships because they were being disrespectful.they knew I had a online long distance boyfriend and also they were homophobic which really pissed me off. But when I broke his heart, he moved on eight months later. We were friends for seven to eight months after our breakup but then he ended the friendship once he was dating seriously and got engaged to his future wife even though I would never have tried to take him from her. He was not unfaithful either. I would have just been his good friend but he thought me writing him would make his fiancee suspicious and have different thoughts. He stopped caring about me after he told me. He wanted me to please take care and have a good life. He said please don’t write this much here, mail it anywhere else. I thought at first he meant don’t write him as much as I was, but he meant not at all.
I saw he opened up a couple of messages from me but never responded. When I told him I had cancer a year ago he never responded. Even him caring for me as a friend died. I also am sure his wife would not want him taking to his ex girlfriend even if just as a good friend and nothing else was going on. I still love him but I would never try to break them up or have them divorce. I’m not like that. And the thing is I know he wanted harmony in his relationship and marriage so in order to achieve that he had to abandon me as a friend. I was upset because he knew how it felt to be forgotten and abandoned yet could still bring himself to do the same thing to me. Love was not enough to conquer my problems. He said he didn’t care about my diagnosis when I told him about my psychotic break with reality later on and he would still be there for me as a friend. I asked him once if we would always be good friends and he told me yes we would always be friends even if we hadn’t worked out as boyfriend and girlfriend. Well after meeting his now wife, he broke that promise. I broke my promise to be his lover until the very end. I know I shouldn’t have decided for him but I was just trying to protect him from my mental issues. I lost my lover and best friend. My sister said our relationship would have plateaued anyway. There was only so long a relationship could be virtual. She told me no wonder I felt a little lonely dating someone through a computer. I think some people wouldn’t consider an online relationship as much of a real relationship as in an person one. Sujeet and I had a mostly good relationship but there were a couple of bumps in the road we had to overcome.we didn’t fight very much and we were honest with each other from the beginning. Truth be told this all started as a friendship when he asked me to be best friends on experience project. Being best friends eventually turned to romantic love. He asked me to please be with him. Even though he was very far away, I still replied I would be his girlfriend. Truthfully we talked about living together and getting married someday after some months had passed. Sometimes situations don’t work out. He told my promises to always be with him were based on my feelings at the time. He loved me but after I broke up with him he thought it would be better for me to find someone much closer in real life to love me. Though part of him wanted to get back together with me he thought it was not good for my future. I asked him to take me back a few weeks after I broke up with him because I thought I made a huge mistake. It is hard to say if we would still be together today if I had not broken up with him because truly how long could he wait for me to get my life together? I don’t know if he would eventually have broken it off with me. Even though years ago I asked him if he wished to date someone closer to home and who didn’t have so many problems, he told me saying such things made him feel upset because he was decided that I was the one he wanted and no one else. How time changes things. For me, he will never be out of my memories or my dreams. I will always think about him but I distract myself most days with hobbies or courses. Now I must learn to live without him in any form though in spirit he will always remain. I wonder if one day I will find someone who is close to what Sujeet was like. I may be single for the rest of my life or maybe I will find a romantic partner once I have matured and learned to take care of myself. Sujeet is hard to replace with his temperament, values, personality, thoughts, and behavior. He was very unique and accepting person. He knew some of my darkest secrets but still loved me anyway. Yeah I was in an online relationship for seven years and seven months I believe.
I saw he opened up a couple of messages from me but never responded. When I told him I had cancer a year ago he never responded. Even him caring for me as a friend died. I also am sure his wife would not want him taking to his ex girlfriend even if just as a good friend and nothing else was going on. I still love him but I would never try to break them up or have them divorce. I’m not like that. And the thing is I know he wanted harmony in his relationship and marriage so in order to achieve that he had to abandon me as a friend. I was upset because he knew how it felt to be forgotten and abandoned yet could still bring himself to do the same thing to me. Love was not enough to conquer my problems. He said he didn’t care about my diagnosis when I told him about my psychotic break with reality later on and he would still be there for me as a friend. I asked him once if we would always be good friends and he told me yes we would always be friends even if we hadn’t worked out as boyfriend and girlfriend. Well after meeting his now wife, he broke that promise. I broke my promise to be his lover until the very end. I know I shouldn’t have decided for him but I was just trying to protect him from my mental issues. I lost my lover and best friend. My sister said our relationship would have plateaued anyway. There was only so long a relationship could be virtual. She told me no wonder I felt a little lonely dating someone through a computer. I think some people wouldn’t consider an online relationship as much of a real relationship as in an person one. Sujeet and I had a mostly good relationship but there were a couple of bumps in the road we had to overcome.we didn’t fight very much and we were honest with each other from the beginning. Truth be told this all started as a friendship when he asked me to be best friends on experience project. Being best friends eventually turned to romantic love. He asked me to please be with him. Even though he was very far away, I still replied I would be his girlfriend. Truthfully we talked about living together and getting married someday after some months had passed. Sometimes situations don’t work out. He told my promises to always be with him were based on my feelings at the time. He loved me but after I broke up with him he thought it would be better for me to find someone much closer in real life to love me. Though part of him wanted to get back together with me he thought it was not good for my future. I asked him to take me back a few weeks after I broke up with him because I thought I made a huge mistake. It is hard to say if we would still be together today if I had not broken up with him because truly how long could he wait for me to get my life together? I don’t know if he would eventually have broken it off with me. Even though years ago I asked him if he wished to date someone closer to home and who didn’t have so many problems, he told me saying such things made him feel upset because he was decided that I was the one he wanted and no one else. How time changes things. For me, he will never be out of my memories or my dreams. I will always think about him but I distract myself most days with hobbies or courses. Now I must learn to live without him in any form though in spirit he will always remain. I wonder if one day I will find someone who is close to what Sujeet was like. I may be single for the rest of my life or maybe I will find a romantic partner once I have matured and learned to take care of myself. Sujeet is hard to replace with his temperament, values, personality, thoughts, and behavior. He was very unique and accepting person. He knew some of my darkest secrets but still loved me anyway. Yeah I was in an online relationship for seven years and seven months I believe.
31-35, F
