I lost the love of my life

Because of my stupidity and mental illness. I broke up with my ex boyfriend after I realized I had a psychotic break from reality. I didn’t want him to have to put up with my mental illnesses and wait around for me for many years more to get my life together as a mature responsible adult.. I felt I no longer deserved his love. Sometimes in my depression or engrossment of my hobbies and passions, I would not pay him as much attention as he deserved. He felt ignored occasionally and I felt terrible and that I didn’t deserve him for making him feel that way. I also at times felt lonely in an online relationship though he tried to pay me as much attention as possible. Neither of us had the money to see the other in person. He wasn’t getting paid much at his accounting job so he had to rely on me to be the one to bring us together. He wanted me to finish my vocational courses online so I could become financially independent. And start saving up for my own life and later on help him to come see me in person. I was indecisive about finishing my courses which would have taught me employable skills because I got flustered and confused on some course content and final exams. We had so many hopes and dreams for each other. He loved me and I failed him. He agreed after thinking about it that breaking up was best for my future though he wanted to get back together so I could find someone in real life and close by to love. He could love me but still let me go. We were friends for eight months after our breakup. Then he started dating another. Woman and got engaged. And after that he no longer thought it was acceptable to be friends. He told me goodbye to please take care of myself and to have a good life. There is much more to the story that I mentioned in my previous posts. It was my deciding for him if he should stay or not that got me into this mess. But yet how much longer could we go on like this? Dating online for seven-eight years. All I know is I lost a really good man who loved me for myself. And a potential future With someone who could have made me really happy. Things were hard but if I tried harder many years ago maybe we still could have been together today.