And there inside remembrance…. The way your fingertips felt as you stroked my chest hair. The feeling of your lips upon the small of my neck. Your warm breath in my ear when you would inhale my hair as we hugged. How your whole body once relaxed whenever I enveloped you in my arms and how your head would tilt and rest upon my shoulder. I see the smile that touched your eyes when I looked at you lovingly. The passion as I writhed inside of you. That fire.
I remember how it felt to roll over and drape my arm across your waist. The 2 exact and subtle shimmies it took to have my entire body touching yours. The scent of you inside my nose and your look trapped inside my eye.
How if felt to hold your hand and walk beside you, and the looks of men who wondered how much of my soul I sold to have you love me. The gazes of women that had decided that I was swinging up and yet still out of my league.
I remember the pain and the tears of that day. The one where I had decided that perhaps you no longer cared. The wondering if ever you truly did? I remember the exact minute that I realized that it was truly over and I recall the anger of loss. I still feel the moments of epiphany wherein my heart shut down and froze over.
The day all my love and care left me and I once again walked the world alone.
I know that Forever Feel of death. The way it wraps itself around my soul and drags me backwards into memory. To gaze wide eyed at the dreams that never shall be. An unrealized reality that burned away like the fog of a late Spring morning.
And as I sit here typing with this single tear formed but not falling at the corner of my right eye…., I walk along the roads of regret and remorse.
Only to find myself at yet another intersection of apathetic agony….
