Self Care Needed
This weekend I spent Friday night with one friend (Kindred), Saturday night with Bright eyes and today with another friend (Sunshine).
Kindred said she didn’t even have to ask how it’s going with Bright eyes because she could tell how calm and confident I was again compared to last month.
With Bright eyes we watched TV, ordered Chinese and snuggled on the sofa before having both good night and good morning sex.
I left his and headed straight to Sunshine’s. On the way I felt that same overwhelming sadness and I was close to tears. I thought leaving his with somewhere else to go would alleviate this feeling that I get and it didn’t.
I talked to Sunshine and her boyfriend for hours about everything that’s been going on and the way I was feeling. I cried and they hugged me.
My relationship with Bright eyes is new. I don’t need or want to rush things. I think in the early stages it should be about getting to know each other and have fun. Except for this insecurity (which has no basis) and sadness we are exactly where I want to be at this point. He messages everyday, so far we’ve seen each other every weekend, already have plans for a gig in December and has been nothing but honest with me.
Sunshine believed the anxiety I feel is because he is safe and consistent and I’m not use to that.
I normally find myself falling for narcissists that love bomb me and move to fast. I’ve been taught to love the chaos and mistaken it for feelings (like I did with Houdini).
Unfortunately at this time SW isn’t helping me. I’m listening too much to others and it’s magnifying some of the anxieties but also causing some unnecessarily. While some were trying to be helpful I’ve also had some nasty comments. The worse being that I’m a whore, Bright eyes is only treating me like a whore and that’s all I deserve.
So I’m taking a break until I know the only feelings I have are mine.
Kindred said she didn’t even have to ask how it’s going with Bright eyes because she could tell how calm and confident I was again compared to last month.
With Bright eyes we watched TV, ordered Chinese and snuggled on the sofa before having both good night and good morning sex.
I left his and headed straight to Sunshine’s. On the way I felt that same overwhelming sadness and I was close to tears. I thought leaving his with somewhere else to go would alleviate this feeling that I get and it didn’t.
I talked to Sunshine and her boyfriend for hours about everything that’s been going on and the way I was feeling. I cried and they hugged me.
My relationship with Bright eyes is new. I don’t need or want to rush things. I think in the early stages it should be about getting to know each other and have fun. Except for this insecurity (which has no basis) and sadness we are exactly where I want to be at this point. He messages everyday, so far we’ve seen each other every weekend, already have plans for a gig in December and has been nothing but honest with me.
Sunshine believed the anxiety I feel is because he is safe and consistent and I’m not use to that.
I normally find myself falling for narcissists that love bomb me and move to fast. I’ve been taught to love the chaos and mistaken it for feelings (like I did with Houdini).
Unfortunately at this time SW isn’t helping me. I’m listening too much to others and it’s magnifying some of the anxieties but also causing some unnecessarily. While some were trying to be helpful I’ve also had some nasty comments. The worse being that I’m a whore, Bright eyes is only treating me like a whore and that’s all I deserve.
So I’m taking a break until I know the only feelings I have are mine.
