I see one flaw in your analysis. The idea that losing yourself is inherent in building love based relationships be it family or romantic attachments. People who feel that losing themselves is a required part of that equation often have experienced some trauma where they feel they have to make the other person their entire personality because they don't believe on some level that who they are is worthy of love on it's own. That they have to people please to get that outside validation of who they are. Because they don't see who they are as a person as capable or worthy of that validation.

That is not how healthy love based social bonds happen. So yeah that absolutely can lead to self destructive tendencies.

I think it's much more simplistic than that ...we just make it more complicated than is needed .

Start by the greek definitions of love. All nine of them. You are approaching this the typical English language way, which is wrongly and horribly christianized.

The social aspects become clearer in the greek words.

Its brain chemistry we perceive as love.