aaargghhh the more I crave for stability the less I manage to give it to myself?!

how can I master the day when there is such a movement/ I need few weeks to adjust in one place., then time comes to go to the next, just the moment I manage to set my practices and routines in place....

Then my period arrives and a total reset, or this and that. I know you are tired of me talking about it but it is my reality and I know it is up to my hands to arrange my life differently but somehow I do not manage it, despite that from the outside it can look easy: Woman, get a job and a home at one place and follow through and do it and stop traveling.
Right? It sounds easy right?

But it isn't. I'm trapped in the Winds of Fibonacci let's call it. I carry a Momentum that can't stop by regular Brakes.

I don't know what to do - the only thing I can do is to be present, follow through the steps, try not to overthink it, do my best in moment-to-moment reality.

I am not sure any more you guys.

The woman have again invited me to participate in the Bali retreat. I said yes, and now that I am thinking of it again, I am not sure that is for me, to move to the other side of the world again and be getting lost. I know I do not wish that.

I know too how immense growth and transformation that retreat brought me.

But, wouldn't I have growth too, doing something else, more locally ?

I feel I am betraying myself and my needs, by asking myself for a home and by not giving it to me.