This is my last summer here/home...

I can't do it anymore. I want a summer to enjoy and not do a million showings, but once fall comes, I'm done. I have been stewing over it for years to make sure I'm making the right choice. To be sure it's not just me running from the past, to be sure problems don't follow me. I've been patient where I wasn't before.

Now I know with certainty, I cannot make this work and I no longer want to try. I am now wasting my energy on people and places that are going nowhere. I am not living true to myself here. I am too often dishonest and evasive so that I can simply get by. This is not me.

It's strange because I love my home, I thought I'd never leave, but it's not my home anymore. It's been broken and destroyed. I cannot grow here. I cannot thrive. Nor can my child.

I am sad. But I want to feel joy again. I want to believe again and to get excited. I want a buildable future. I've been worried it was my own weakness and excuses that held me back. Now I see there is no potential here. I have to let go of my home. I do feel kicked out. The rich people and tourists own this place now. There's not much else I can do here that resonates with my personal goals.

Bleh.