I want to get into the spirit and do all the decorating and fun things but whatever made it happy before is gone. It's such a burden to pretend I want to do any of it. I do it for my son, I try to be excited for him, however inside I'd rather avoid all of it.
I'd hoped it would get better as the years went on after my parents passing, it's been 6-7 years, but I still resent the joyous togetherness.
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Two of my three grown children have passed on. My last child and his wife live 700 miles from me. The holidays have become just another day for me. Nothing special, nothing exciting. The only thing that the holidays bring to me that I like is that I get another day off from work.
