I want to get into the spirit and do all the decorating and fun things but whatever made it happy before is gone. It's such a burden to pretend I want to do any of it. I do it for my son, I try to be excited for him, however inside I'd rather avoid all of it.
I'd hoped it would get better as the years went on after my parents passing, it's been 6-7 years, but I still resent the joyous togetherness.
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The raging commercialism and hypocrisy that the holidays have turned into really turns me off. But I still manage to find a way to connect with the ancient traditions in a way that's special to me, and also connect with everything I loved about it as a child.
