@Secretsmile You're gonna resolve to get rid of most of your possessions before moving, and then find out you still wanna get rid of another 2/3 of them after moving.

@Guardian You will lose precisely six ounces.

@CountScrofula Not bad! Out of 2,200 lbs!

@UndeadSona You're gonna resolve to get a way better job.

@CountScrofula I'll put in all of the effort

@CountScrofula 'm ON IT!

@MarbleMarvel You resolve to love yourself and use that motivation to fuel your escape from a tough situation.

@SW-User Get plenty of calcium. But not to eat it - to hoard it.

@CountScrofula calci-yummmmm

My favorite

Thanks😜

@PicturesOfABetterTomorrow Win an argument on the internet so thoroughly that your defeated opponent flies over to shake your hand.

@JRVanguard You resolve to develop some previously unknown passion and become invested in something Grand.

@meggie You're gonna resolve to discover and eat a new species of butterfly.

Wait, what? I don't get one coz I was asleep? 😱

@SUPERVlXEN YOU'RE GOING TO RESOLVE TO HAVE MORE PATIENCE

I'm kidding you're going to resolve to get treated like a goddess by a super cute lady.

@CountScrofula
Omg. Omg. 👀 The latter might be codependent on the former, that's circular something! 😳 I love smooth curves. 🥴

@pripyatamusementpark You resolve to take up a hobby and spend time enjoying yourself on something just for you.

@CountScrofula I love this idea

@CountScrofula I’ll likely have that done by February. 😉

@mindstruggle You're gonna resolve to GTFO from your job!!!

@GuiltyBiStander YOU WILL BECOME PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

@CountScrofula

Given the opportunity ... And given the powers of Street Fighter 'Chun Li'. .. Thou shalt be done .

@BobbyMoeven Gotta jam that light kick button repeatedly baby

@DeWayfarer You're gonna invoke a Wiccan ritual so badass it'll turn the moon slightly mauve for a moment.

@boredintexas You will begin wearing kilts, even when it's horribly inappropriate.

@CountScrofula going commando thougn right?

@beermeplease Try a new style of beer nobody has ever heard of before. It will be okay.

@pride49 You're gonna resolve to find that there's a secret orgasm point beyond the prostate only the wise can reach.

@MethDozer You resolve to invent a new kind of homemade explosive so cool you'll hide it from the government and it will be how you eventually go out.

@gregloa hey come on. I need a New Year’s resolution!?

@gregloa I GOT BUSY lol

@gregloa You're gonna resolve to write an updated version of the Lord's Prayer that is gonna reach the no-go kids of today.

@deadgerbil Join a painting club and meet the love of your life.

@CountScrofula if this actually works I'll pay you utilities for one month

@HijabaDabbaDoo You will discover a new level of lesbianism above "industrial grade". Welcome to military grade lesbianism, Cap'n.

@CountScrofula I'll report back with my findings

@itsok You will experience super great joy. It may come in the form of a meal, but it will be joy nonetheless!

@CountScrofula a delicious meal sounds so nice

@ShenaniganFoodie You'll discover the second wolf inside of you. his name is Jerry.

@CountScrofula

@ToddpicogramakaSatan Your new year's resolution is to take up knitting.