I Love Reading Confessions

Confession: This started one way. But then damn feelings. Taking a step back to get those damn feelings in check. There is no time or reason for feelings. But here is the thing.... the "feelings" I aren't real. I know that. It's what they mean that scares the shit out of me. I have tried so hard to not feel shit for so many years now. I have gotten good at it. I can fake it. But apparently, it means I really want to be cared about. And the truth is, I don't think that is possible. I don't think anyone really cares about another person (unless it's their children). And I know I am not truly lovable. So do do I covet it so damn badly when I don't even believe in it anymore?