Hospital no local....

Its 10 days now since my mother in law had her leg amputated at our local NHS hospital. Her care has been wonderful and shes doing remarkably well considering what shes going through. Yesterday, they had her out of bed and wheeling herself up and down the ward in a wheelchair.
Our big concern about her care is that the hospital or not communicating whats going on with her with the family as much as they should be. They are discussing her care and progress with mum, but as she has dementia, she doesn't recall all she is being told to pass on when we visit. I have been told by the Alzheimers society there is a charter in hospitals for dementia sufferers and that states that every conversation that takes place with the patient must be conveyed to a family member to ensure they receive the correct info. This is NOT happening. I know they are very busy...but this requirement really should not be overlooked surely??
Yesterday, very happy bubbly nurse informed is during a visit they have found a bed for mum at a 'local' cottage hospital and she may be on the move by the weekend. (This is for rehabilition to help her accept and cope with the changes that will occur in her 'new' life)
Now...this 'local' hospital is only local as its in the same county. There are 3 nearer hospitals but the nearest one is in a different county, so the funding for mum to go there is a problem.
But, if they send her to the planned hospital, it will be very difficult for us....and any local pals to visit. Obviously we will go at the weekends, when hubs is off work but evenings will be impossible as he doesnt get home till 6.30 and its over an hours drive to the hospital. From where we live, its a 2 hour bus trip and there no bus home after 8pm....so even if i went to visit on my own after work...i couldn't get home!
Many of her friends who are able to visit now in the current hospital are elderly and using the very good local bus service....so wont be able to go see her at the proposed place.
We told the nurse our concerns and she seemed totally pissed off with us.. as she clearly felt she was giving us good news about mums next step in recovery. It certainly isnt going to help mums recovery if she doesnt have frequent visits from loved ones!
So....as of today....nobody has rung us to give us any more info. I'm off to see her just now...see if anyone had any updates.

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LadyGrace · 70-79

I am so happy to hear she was doing so well! Praise the Lord!

Gangstress · 41-45, F

This is terrible and a massive oversight i reckon

Visits from loved ones matter the most ❤ and they should know that

I hope youre given an update when you get there x

RubySoo · 56-60, F

@Gangstress i doubt its an 'oversight'. They want her bed so they will send her to the first place with a space. At this point...we are not sure we can 'turn it down' til a more suitable one comes available. Or even if we have any say in the decision. 🤷‍♀

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

They must know she has dementia.

A cursory glance at her medical record should make that obvious. Even if they're choosing to ignore the fact.

So two questions arise.

Is the intent to get your M.i.L physically mobile, a clinical decision, or a political one ?

If it's clinical, there may be good reason for not wanting the imput from family and friends during this 'rehabilitation'.
But you deserve to know why.

And if it's a political decision (medical people deciding this is a cheaper option rather than somewhere closer to home)....how was it decided she gave consent if family weren't present when the decision was made ?

RubySoo · 56-60, F

@Picklebobble2 they have been informed by us at every step of the way she has dementia and it is on her notes. But the charter for peeps with dementia in hospital states she should have a purple Dementia logo/ ribbon on the front of her notes so it imediately clear to anyone who attends to her.....we ask everytime we visit ( every day) and nothing is there. It also should state on the whiteboard in her room...and it doesnt.. again....pointed this out daily.
Ive spoken to the nurse today about the rehab situation...she said she couldnt tell me more until next of kin had been spoken to...... but still nobody has called sis in law.
She did agree though it would hinder muns recovery if she couldnt have frequent visits.

OldBrit · 61-69, M

This all sadly is very familiar. We suffered similar issues with my mother in law. She was moved without any consultation with us to a hospital on an island which has well known traffic issues getting over the bridge at busy times. My wife was just leaving to go to local hospital to visit when they called saying she was in this other hospital.

We complained and frankly the response was simply a bunch of lies about times, conversations etc.

We had power of attorney too and they simply ignored that unless it was convenient to them at times.

RubySoo · 56-60, F

@OldBrit its so sad isn't it. 😟

RubySoo · 56-60, F

Update!
Well..they have sent her to the rehab center without any consultation with any if the family. At this moment in time, other than 'its on the outskirts' of thus particular town... we dont know where it is!
No words.........

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RubySoo · 56-60, F

@OldBrit but she has dementia!!! Obviously her opinion is paramount, but her next of kin poa should have had imput!!

OldBrit · 61-69, M

@RubySoo I take it she has a formal diagnosis and dementia care plan in place? If not then she'll continue to be deemed to "have capacity".

As I say we suffered same problems. Even though we had power of attorney already in place etc. Before her diagnosis.

RubySoo · 56-60, F

@OldBrit she has a formal diagnosis yes. Mixed dementia. No 'care plan' in place....not sure what you mean by that? Maybe things are different here? But i do know 'the dementia charter' as as good as ignored in the main hospital. Things that should have been happenning wern't.

Dusty101 · F

Awe Rubes, this must be difficult for you and everyone that cares and want to see her. Also must be very confusing for MIL. Hopefully a nearer place will be available soon, so weekends won't be the only time you can get to visit. If I lived near you hon, I'd pick you up and drive you myself during the week! 🤗

RubySoo · 56-60, F

@Dusty101 thanks flower.
It really isnt ideal.

i197818202223i · 22-25, F

It is not the fault of the nurse that she can't be in a nearer place. Can your husband not take time off work?

What are you going to do when she gets out with only one leg? One of you may have to quit your job to help her.

RubySoo · 56-60, F

@i197818202223i i didn't say it was the fault of the nurse. As a dementia sufferer its paramount she is somewhere she can receive visits.
It should always be anout whats right for the individual, not about what saves the most money!
I already have cut my work hours to care for her before this happened, but no. I wont give up my job entirely as I need to work. Hubs cannot give up his job and takes time when he can. His sisters do not live local, so there is only us here.
Its a huge stress.
Of course we want to do right by her, but we also have to take care of ourselves.

i197818202223i · 22-25, F

@RubySoo Why are his sisters living away from their elderly mother? My parents died in 2020. I lost them at 20. You can get a job again, but when she dies you will not get her again. She is gone forever. Our parents are not replaceable.

RubySoo · 56-60, F

@i197818202223i excuse me? Are we not entitled to our own lives?
Im quite aware of that thank you...i lost my own father at 21. Nursed my own mother through dementia.
One sis lives in the USA. She has lived there 40 tears and her family are there.
The other lives a 3 hr drive away. I wish she should be here more..but shes not.
Ive already done more than my share but i will keep doing what i can.
I need to think of my own health.

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