I'm always too blasé and it kinda scares me.

Like, I have an I don't care attitude but it's too much.
I'm numb. And I don't if it's just the way I am or there's something wrong with me.
Even when it's something important, even when you tell me someone of your friends died, I still wouldn't care.
I have a test in 10 minutes and I didn't revise. Don't care.
You show me a picture of war and people dying. I won't feel a thing.
You tell me you hate me. I don't care
You tell me you love me. I won't care.
I can't even remember the last time I cried. I just...Don't do crying ?
Sometimes, I even have to fake emotions and reactions not to look weird. Like smile or laugh at something everyone finds funny, or faking being sad because someone died or is sick or suffering.
I just...Don't care.
Even the number of people I care about are like...Probably 6 people.
For exemple, I love my best friend, I spend all my time with her. But if something happened to her, I know I'll be faking safeness, or I will be more sad about me being alone, than about what happened to her.
Maybe I'm just too self centered, or arrogant or narcissistic...I don't know.

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LadyGrace ·

Maybe you're just simply going through the stages of personal development. Go easy on yourself. You're fine just as you are. The confusion will get easier as you go along.

ArwenPandora · 26-30, F

But...It's just so weird that everyone around me feels real emotions, while I have to fake them to look normal.

LadyGrace ·

I know what you mean, but now that I think about it, I believe I went through a stage like that as a teenager. That's a time when we feel sel-conscious and want to do things just right. I wouldn't worry about it. The main thing is to just to be yourself. I knew [b]lots[/b] of kids in high school who were like you, and never said a word, and nobody thought much about it. We just thought they were the brainy ones. lol. Smart and quiet. Ha We [b]all[/b] want to be loved and accepted, but if we have to be phony to do it, what's the point? That's no way to live, or habit to get into. Don't do like I did early on then, and be a people-pleaser. It's a miserable way to live. And, unnecessary. It was hard to break free of, and you're never really free until you can simply be beautiful you. Try and embrace and celebrate that. You are wonderfully unique. @ArwenPandora:

SW-User

You're lucky, I'm trying too hard To be something like that lol

ArwenPandora · 26-30, F

It's really not great.
I feel weird.
Specially when I have to fake emotions when everyone is having real ones.
That's when I start feeling not normal.

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