Is crying good for you? Or just a sign of weakness?
I cried a lot as a kid due to mental and physical abuse. And not so much as an adult except during conversations with my mother when she would tell me everything bad about myself she could come up with until I overflowed with tears, then she'd call me a fool and a sissie and say I had the maturity of a four year old kid. It was humiliating.
After my mother died, I swore I would never cry again except at a funeral. And that's the way it has been for the last 20 years or so.
I have made a point of not allowing myself to cry, no matter how sad I am feeling. But lately, I decided to change my policy and let myself cry when I feel like it. Not sure whether I am just caving in to my own weakness or whether it's a healthy release for all my pent up emotions.
If you've read my Featured story here under my Profile, you know I have a lot of sadness in my background. I was considered weak in my childhood and therefore not acceptable for Communist Party youth training; or my rejection by the Party may have been due to some trouble my dad got into in the Party this disqualifying me from training. But it left me feeling like a world class sissie. I have spent whole chunks of my life trying to prove (mostly to myself) that I am not a sissie or a weak person. It might even explain my choice of careers (dealing with violent criminals in locked facilities).
I guess I fear that crying proves them right; I am useless and weak and do not deserve any respect. Or maybe it will have a therapeutic effect on my mind.
After my mother died, I swore I would never cry again except at a funeral. And that's the way it has been for the last 20 years or so.
I have made a point of not allowing myself to cry, no matter how sad I am feeling. But lately, I decided to change my policy and let myself cry when I feel like it. Not sure whether I am just caving in to my own weakness or whether it's a healthy release for all my pent up emotions.
If you've read my Featured story here under my Profile, you know I have a lot of sadness in my background. I was considered weak in my childhood and therefore not acceptable for Communist Party youth training; or my rejection by the Party may have been due to some trouble my dad got into in the Party this disqualifying me from training. But it left me feeling like a world class sissie. I have spent whole chunks of my life trying to prove (mostly to myself) that I am not a sissie or a weak person. It might even explain my choice of careers (dealing with violent criminals in locked facilities).
I guess I fear that crying proves them right; I am useless and weak and do not deserve any respect. Or maybe it will have a therapeutic effect on my mind.
70-79, F
