I've been depress for about 6 years and had a few psychotic episodes, but I haven gotten to

the point where I no longer feel joy, happiness. I stop taking my depression meds because they never work on me. Every-time I go to the psych clinic for my appointments they keep me on the same medicine and they just raise my dose and I have to wait like three months knowing the medications won't do a thing. I was suicidal in the past and have tried to end my life and failed twice. I don't know what to do to feel joy, I started working out a few weeks ago and nothing has change. I don't smoke cigs as much anymore but I keep smoking knowing that it grosses me out after the third cig, I only smoke because I reminiscing when I was happy in life. I think that by smoking is the closest I will ever get to that feeling that is joy. The times I have been psychotic i created this mind worlds and I dove deep into my fears and joys.I haven't had a psychotic episode which is kinda good, but I miss my psychosis because of what it made me feel, what is even worse is that the music I use to listen will make me feel Ecstasy, but I try to listen to this music hoping it will induce some kind of euphoria or it will put me my into a paradise state, but I get nothing.