Overwhelming depression

I'm a fairly happy person, but I've been severely depressed since 2005, diagnosed in 2012. Most days I'm happy and social and everything works (medication does alot).
Certain things can trigger these extremely overwhelming depressed feelings though, that I just don't want to exist and it's all pointless anyway.
This morning I had a lack of sleep, was already annoyed that I was gonna see my ex again (who apparently takes the same train now even though she lives miles away from the station and does nothing but stare mean the entire time... Childish!) and when I went to sit down it was next to another "ex", someone I almost started a relationship with but we didn't hit it off cause I messed up after I was drunk one night. I'm a former alcoholic, sober for some years now.
Shit like this just seems to turn a button and open the floodgates of depression and shame and melancholia and a sense of doom and pointlessness.
Sport helps, but only temporarily. Mostly I just want the good times back and the pointless times to end. I just don't have any courage of fight left in me.
What do you do with the overwhelming feeling of depression and not wanting to exist anymore?

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swandfriends · 41-45, F

I'm going through similar thing right now and those same thoughts! It's like endless cycles. I know, I'm the same way. I feel good until something triggers it

Ludolphus · 31-35, M

@swandfriends Yeah, it's like the medication keeps me happy 99% of the time and then unleashes all the saved up depressed feelings in one moment when it gets too much. What do you do when these feelings hit you hard?

swandfriends · 41-45, F

@Ludolphus all I can do is replace it with something else, like take a hot bath, work on an art project. If I don't feel like doing that I take a drive, maybe scream to the music and then eventually cry my eyes out lol.. but I also have to remember that usually when I feel like that, a day or two later, I feel fine and sometimes life surprises me and something great happens. You just gotta sleep on it

Ludolphus · 31-35, M

@swandfriends The only thing that gets me back up is sex or driving around pointlessly with music full blast and they took away my driver's license...