I was doom-scrolling TikTok like I always do, standing outside with a cigarette, when something popped up that cracked open wounds I thought had finally healed. It dragged me back to memories of a life that feels so far away now, back when things weren’t this heavy, this dark. Back when I had a plan. Back when I believed I knew what my future was supposed to look like. That was before everything imploded. Before I started aching for a version of my life that doesn’t exist anymore. I know there’s no going back. I know I can’t rewind time or undo the past. But tonight my heart and my mind refuse to meet in the middle, and that disconnect is sending my anxiety through the roof. I’m struggling to ground myself, struggling to remember that I’ve survived every hard day so far , even this one. Tonight it just doesn’t make sense. Tonight it feels real. Tonight it feels impossible.
