I had a medical procedure done this morning. I expected to be able to work but unfortunately not.

Not my body,.not my face..No, it just has to be special.

We will see if I can work tomorrow. There is no one who can do my work well. They just don't exist.

I don't really feel well physically, and emotionally because these are complications of old injuries from the war. And it is upsetting that I still have to deal with that shit while the perpetrators had easier lives.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

Seriously.

I don't have the time for my body being shit.

I done lot of crying today thinking about it and I am not supposed to do that. I need to keep my sinuses clear. And my anger away.

I have to deal with this shit for almost an entire month. It is going to be assy.

Ffs.

I know I am whining. It is just too much. I know that lot people wish they had at least the money to fix their health issues. Here I am with unlimited access to quality healthcare whining because it is too painful, temporarily.

I used to be tougher.

Then again, it is not the pain. It is the fact that I have to deal with the consequences of someone else's f uck up.

The time it will take away from my life.

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ThirstenHowl · M

I'm sorry you're dealing with both the physical dimension of this and the memories of the dark times when evil people essentially got away with crimes

You aren't whining, and you don't have to be a rock 100% of the time, it's okay to accept your human-ness

Even with the access you have to certain things, that doesn't negate the fact that what you deal with is too much at times, you aren't exempted from limits because you have this or that privilege

If there is any silver lining to this at all, maybe it is that it at least is forcing you to take time off

If crying does actually worsen your physical condition then I can understand why you want to resist it, but otherwise maybe it is time to open the release valve and let things out for a bit, so it doesn't build up too much

Whether you go back to work tomorrow or not I hope you will feel better, that is the most important part 🤗🤍

Miram · 31-35, F

@ThirstenHowl

I don't know what I am doing with my life

ThirstenHowl · M

@Miram I doubt one day will be enough to sort it all out, but maybe some of the time off, if it is not consumed by pain / discomfort and traumatic memories, might be useful to weigh everything in your life and see which are still truly more important to you, even if each item does in fact still matter to you and you wish you could spread yourself thin enough to do it all

and even if you were to make a change that results in eliminating one item, it doesn't mean it has to be a permanent change, it could be more like an extended sabbatical, as long as it's something you can easily come back up to speed with, once you decide to return to it, once you feel like you've recovered enough and you can find balance in that area if you return to it

first and foremost though is and will always be your health, without your health, the rest is meaningless and won't be sustained for long ... and I know it's easy to say, and perhaps beyond obvious, but maybe you need a daily reminder to yourself, maybe affixing a written note somewhere that you will see every day to drill the mantra home so you do take better care of yourself and then worry about taking care of others once you have a firm foundation form which to give your care to others, taking care of yourself won't make you non-altruistic, it will just keep you from burning out 🤗