I am losing track of time, losing the ability to listen to everyday conversations, detaching and dissociating
I can't even recognize myself. My observer mind is looking at a stranger doing things . It is not numbness. I don't feel that I am a person most of the time. I don't feel that this body, in pain, is mine. I don't feel my hunger is mine or my thirst. Sort of like when you meditate and no longer link your experiences to who you are, but more radical in that you feel people's experiences aren't something you can link to either.
Everything feels distant; voices and words recited to my ears sound like echoes.
I know this is temporary. It is also not all the time. I can still feel love like it is my own feeling. Hopefully it will not affect my ability to empathize when needed. I can also experience moments like this; typing this wasn't in disconnection.
On the positive side of things , I held many newborns. I pretended that I was there to examine them rather than because I missed whispering good things to beautiful beings. Beautiful is understatement. They have limitless potential. They are what we once were and may never be again. They are billions of condescended possibilities and fates. They are the only part of humanity that can outshine our own brilliant destruction.
My dentist friend will meet me today.
We will have small tea event.
Maybe coffee for her.
And with that I start disconnecting again from my own thoughts which is why it starts to sound like a damn list🤷🏻♀
Everything feels distant; voices and words recited to my ears sound like echoes.
I know this is temporary. It is also not all the time. I can still feel love like it is my own feeling. Hopefully it will not affect my ability to empathize when needed. I can also experience moments like this; typing this wasn't in disconnection.
On the positive side of things , I held many newborns. I pretended that I was there to examine them rather than because I missed whispering good things to beautiful beings. Beautiful is understatement. They have limitless potential. They are what we once were and may never be again. They are billions of condescended possibilities and fates. They are the only part of humanity that can outshine our own brilliant destruction.
My dentist friend will meet me today.
We will have small tea event.
Maybe coffee for her.
And with that I start disconnecting again from my own thoughts which is why it starts to sound like a damn list🤷🏻♀
