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How to tell my manager about a surgery without it going around the company?

Hopefully next week I will be having a very personal female surgery. I have a main manager and then about 5 supervisors under her that would have to know about it. It's pretty embarrassing and I'm worried that everyone in my company would find out about it, even if I told leadership not to say anything. So I am stressing quite a bit. What's a good way to word it to where I don't have to disclose exactly what the surgery is?

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RuyLopez · 56-60, M

You don't have to tell them what the surgery is for. Just tell them it is medically necessary surgery for your health. If they demand to know what type of surgery, tell them it is personal and you are not comfortable discussing the details with them. If they continue harassing you about it then you have the grounds for a lawsuit. I hope all goes well for you and your recover quickly. 🙏🏼

Mardrae · 56-60, F

@RuyLopez thank you, wasn't sure. They could make things hard for me because technically I have to give a month notice for any days I need off

RuyLopez · 56-60, M

@Mardrae Hopefully they won't. Most people understand that surgery is something you don't mess around with.

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

"I'm having a medically necessary surgery and will be out of the office from X day to Y day. Here is a note from my surgeon."

"Oh? What's going on? What is the surgery for?"

"I would prefer not to disclose that information, thank you.

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

@Mardrae That's highly unprofessional and doesn't protect your rights enshrined in law.
My advice would be make sure you follow protocol as per your responsibilities outlined in your contract/company employee handbook.
They may get pissy especially if you've no specific period of recovery required, but everybody knows recovery times vary from person to person and if you think you're going to need extra support the sooner you let them know the less they have to grumble about.

nevergiveup · M

I have the same problem. I am incontinent and need to sometimes change my pad. I am ok working alone but sometimes they put people to work with me for training. I know i need to tell them i need to work on my own but i would have to tell them why. Its not something i want everyone to know about

Mardrae · 56-60, F

@nevergiveup exactly

nevergiveup · M

@Mardrae The hard thing is i know my manager talks about others and is a real gossip. If she found out about me then everyone would know

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

Why on earth would so many need to know your business ?
Just go direct to your Manager and let them know you'll be missing for a while due to surgical necessity and give them an estimated return date.

Mardrae · 56-60, F

@Picklebobble2 I'm not sure how my body will heal. They said I should take off work a couple of days but it would be about two weeks till I heal. I have 6 managers and they all work together. And they all gossip and everyone in my company knows everything about everyone.

Quimliqer · 70-79, M

You have no obligation to tell anyone anything!!

NatureGuy77 · 56-60, M

Just tell him surgery. He doesn’t need to know the details. That’s a HR violation if he pushes to.

Mardrae · 56-60, F

@NatureGuy77 my job is definitely full of gossip- everyone knows everything about everyone. I have heard nasty gossip lies about myself.

ArtieKat · M

Have you thought about changing jobs? It sounds like a shit firm to work for. 😔

Mardrae · 56-60, F

@ArtieKat nope. Been there 20 years.

NativePortlander1970

Go straight to HR and ask for a private meeting, let them know it needs to be considered discreet, they do not need to know the details, I am giving You this advice as a former manager myself.

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NativePortlander1970

@Mardrae Discuss this with HR, if I remember right, medical leave is separate from PTO, because it's something that cannot be avoided.

Mardrae · 56-60, F

@NativePortlander1970 yes, it definitely is different. I had Covid a couple of months ago and had to take 5 days off. I get 2 days off a week, so I tried using 3 PT0 hours and one of my assistant team leaders told me to change it to sick time and I didn't get paid for it. So I don't know how much time I will have to take off for this type surgery but I can't do more than one or two days if I use sick time because I don't get paid for it.

NativePortlander1970

@Mardrae You should be getting paid for sick leave.

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